He's probably better than you

There's always one player you see in the pre-match warm up having a cigarette and a can of Stella - you hope they are marking you, as you're shattered from the night before and jealous that you're not downing that can of Stella.

But then they're always better than you think, especially the fat goalies! You think it'll be easy to notch a goal or two, but he's like a skinny Neville Southall with the vocabulary of an unmedicated Tim Howard.

Got to love Sunday morning football.

When you least expect it

Do we ever look where the ball goes when a penalty is missed? I hear that some of Sergio Ramos' efforts have landed on the moon, Chris Waddle's effort is still rising, and Diana Ross's 1994 effort almost caused her to die of embarrassment. (I'll have to look that up, as she still deserves a slap with a wet fish).

Lessons for the weekend

As all geezers should know, there are various steps you take to get ready for the weekend.

Shower. Clean clothes. Enough beer and kebab money. No chat-up lines. And brush your teeth.

Seems like someone forgot one of the rules.

Or he had the kebab and chili sauce too early - and can't fault him for that.

Will Eto'o have disciplinary problems in the Premier League?

Maybe the referee's weren't as friendly in Russia, but it seems Samuel Eto'o wants to rekindle his affair with Jose Mourinho.

Howard Webb has put on a few pounds tho, so not sure Samuel will be able to get his hands around his waist!

Mourinho to learn new names in Super Cup...West Ham to sign Kaka?

It seems like the Premier League is all about Sunday again – not too many great games on Saturday (Palace v Sunderland seems the low point), but then Liverpool v Man United and Arsenal v Tottenham on September 1.

The transfer window remains open until Monday, so don’t be surprised if Mark Hughes or Sam Allardyce makes a panic buy depending on who wins the West Ham v Stoke game. Big Sam to pick up Kaka after he requested a transfer from Real Madrid – could he be the next Okocha, Hierro or Djorkaeff?!

I’m hoping the Bale deal will be done by the time you read this. He’s going to Chelsea, we’ve known it all along. They are woefully short of midfielders, and he could play with some of the best strikers from 2008 if he went there. I don’t really understand the financial fair play rules, but Chelsea have a squad of 53 and pay them all a fortune – I wouldn’t be surprised if they are still paying Winston Bogarde!

***

  

We have to wait until Sunday for Marseille v Monaco in Ligue Un – should be a good one, with a proper crowd seeing as Marseille are at home. Juventus v Lazio and Valencia v Barcelona are the two other standout games for me this weekend. Should be interesting to see how Tevez and Co are blending into a team, and how Valencia do now that they have sold Soldado to Spurs.

*** 

And then there’s the Super Cup between Bayern Munich (the Champions League winners) and Chelsea (the Europe League winners). It’s being played in Prague – which is in the Czech Republic for those of you who failed geography (near Russia for Americans) – and is the first time in 15 years this game has been played anywhere but Monaco. Falcao bagged a great hat-trick for Atletico Madrid v Chelsea last year, and Jose Mourinho’s team may struggle again this year.

Bayern are a very strong team that have been playing together for a few years. Mourinho would have to be a genius just to remember the names of all the players in his squad – it might mean games for Victor Moses, Ryan Bertrand and Marco van Ginkel, and surely Paulo Ferrera will play in another big game (he must still be there, surely). 2-1 to Bayern for me, but I lose so much money gambling, that it’s best to bet against me.

Harry had the right idea during Champions League draw

Group B is the 'Group of Hell'? Very hard to pick two from 4 in Group F, and some great away trips for Celtic fans in Group H.

Chelsea will probably be the happiest of the top seeds (and it can't help having Samuel Eto'o joining on a free transfer), but there are some great games to look forward to - as there always are in the Champions League, you just have to put up with the long, drawn-out process that accompanies the draw. Surely there must be an easier way? It just makes legends of the game look stupid for not being able to unscrew a little plastic ball !

Seems Harry Redknapp had the right idea during the marathon event (although I'm sure he's busy preparing for games against Yeovil and Doncaster)....

Here's the full draw:

Group A: Manchester United, Shakhtar Donetsk, Bayer Leverkusen, Real Sociedad

Group B: Real Madrid, Juventus, Galatasaray, Copenhagen

Group C: Benfica, Paris St-Germain, Olympiakos, Anderlecht

Group D: Bayern Munich, CSKA Moscow, Manchester City, Viktoria Plzen

Group E: Chelsea, Schalke, Basel, Steaua Bucharest

Group F: Arsenal, Marseille, Borussia Dortmund, Napoli

Group G: Porto, Atletico Madrid, Zenit St Petersburg, Austria Vienna

Group H: Barcelona, AC Milan, Ajax, Celtic

Why do I have to swap shirts with the fat, sweaty guy?

You'd probably get fined and have to buy yourself a new shirt if you did this on  Sunday morning (or if you played for Portsmouth in their current bankrupt state).

But it goes to show, it's always worth asking - especially if she's a hot Swedish soccer player!

Watch out, the Group of Death is coming again

It's the Champions League draw today, with Match Day 1 on September 17.

Some interesting names, old and new, in the draw. And what better time to pick my 'Group of Death' and the Group that Manchester United will get (somehow I seem to recall them always getting an easy draw).

The worst scenario would probably be Bayern Munich, Paris St-Germain, Machester City and Napoli - although would be fantastic to watch - I'd take Bayern and Napoli to qualify.

Basically avoid Napoli from Pot Four and Dortmund from Pot Three and you should qualify - but what do I know!

Pot one: Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Chelsea, Real Madrid, Manchester United, Arsenal, FC Porto, Benfica.

Pot two: Atletico Madrid, Shakhtar Donetsk, AC Milan, Schalke 04, Marseille, CSKA Moscow, Paris Saint-Germain, Juventus.

Pot three: Zenit St Petersburg, Manchester City, Ajax Amsterdam, Borussia Dortmund, FC Basel, Olympiakos, Galatasaray, Bayer Leverkusen.

Pot four: FC Copenhagen, Napoli, Anderlecht, Celtic, Steaua Bucharest, Plzen, Real Sociedad, Austria Vienna.

Sportsmanship ...have we gone too far?

Yeovil let Birmingham score last night, allowing Lee Novak to walk the ball half the length of the pitch and put the ball in the back of the net with no challenges, and no gaolkeeper. All this because Yeovil's Byron Webster had equalized at 2-2, chipping the Brummie keeper who had put the ball out so one of his defenders could get treatment.

Here's the BBC match report and you can see the video of the goal here.

Yeah, lovely, let a team equalize, karma, polite, good manners and all that, but sportsmanship has gone too far?

If the Birmingham keeper kicks it out, why should his team get it back? If it's a genuine injury, the referee should stop the game. If it looks serious, sure, go ahead and kick it out if the ref hasn't stopped it, but putting the ball out every two minutes has become a joke. Teams do it to waste time at the end of a game, or to get extra time for fake injuries if they are losing.

Yes, players should look out for each other and be concerned about an injury, but it's gone too far. It changes games, relieves pressure, infuriates fans and makes it harder to determine when there's a real injury.

Oh, the game would eventually end 3-3, and Birmingham would go on to win on penalties. If you care.

Bale may not move after Ronaldo tantrum

The Gareth Bale to Real Madrid saga doesn't show any signs of ending soon.

Surely Spurs should just take the money and then sign whoever Liverpool are about to hold talks with. Or wait until Arsene Wenger is finally ready to splash the cash and then swoop in with a late bid.

But there may be another issue as to why Bale hasn't signed yet (even though we all know he will once the money is sorted out) - Cristiano Ronaldo.

Apparently he's not happy about sharing the spotlight, isn't about to share hair product and can't believe anyone could possibly be worth more than him. Don't cry Cristiano, it's not like Real Madrid are bringing Mourinho back.

Tricks of the trade

Just stand around and watch as I juggle this a few times and half-volley it into the corner.

Don't tackle.

Don't foul.

Just watch. All four of you!

Where Are They Now?

You might remember them.

In Argentina's lone Primera league match today, two names that most footy fans may be familiar with--Maxi Rodriguez and Gabriel Heinze--made their marks for Newell's Old Boys against Gimnasia y Esgrima La Plata with a 3-0 romp to bring them to top of the table.

Oh, and Newell's third goal by Peruvian Rinaldo Cruzado was assisted by some French bloke named David Trezeguet.

Not a bad squad that current Barcelona manager Gerardo Martino left behind.

Polish fans to UEFA: We disagree

Earlier this month, Legia Warsaw supporters were fined for 'racist behavior' in a Champions League qualifying match against Wales' New Saints FC. Tonight--before their 3-3 global draw against Romanian side Steaua Bucharest that saw them ousted from the tournament's preliminary ties--the ultras responded in kind to Europe's football governing body:

Animal rights groups may have something to say

It's doubtful that anyone would be watching Celtic Shakhter Karagandy in the Champions League qualifying stage 97.2b today, but this article on the BBC may make it a little more interesting...

The headline is Shakhtar Boss Defends Slaughter Ritual - how can that not make you curious.

All is made me think was how I'd love a lamb donner kebab about now - maybe I'll just hang around Celtic Park later with a bottle of chili sauce and some pita bread.

Here's the link again - http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23852624

Mourinho reacts to getting an away point

This seems more like the reaction that most of us had when yesterday's yawn-fest was over, but Jose shows that getting another point on the board is as important as ever.

Chelsea usually play with no strikers when Fernando Torres is out there, but playing 6 midfielders last night was more negative that the Boring One usually is. They looked solid at the back, but you should when you put 10 behind the ball - parking the bus seems like it's now a tactic Mourinho wants to use (not that United offered much).

And don't get me started on how the commentators/reporters got a chubb on for Rooney - what did he do? Played a few nice passes, ran around and had a decent shot or two - exactly what any professional should do if they are getting paid to play football.

Just go to the bar

Keep it on the deck, play to feet, possession is 9/10 of the law and all that.

Coaching goes out of the window when your keep can't even get the ball of the the box from a goal kick.

 Usually a nasty wind occurs after a few too many beers and a curry, but this is just out of control.

Obrigado, Deco

Beset by injuries, the elegant playmaker elects to retire

The Brazilian-born-turned-Portuguese citizen Deco announced his retirement from football today after suffering through some oft-injured seasons while plying his trade with Fluminense in Brazil.

The left-footed midfielder, 36,  showed his brilliance to the world under the guidance of one Jose Mourinho when Porto lifted the Champions League in 2004, which eventually sealed his move to Barcelona where he played in a three-man formation in the middle of the park alongside Ronaldinho. Later, he made the trek to Chelsea, which, at the time, was managed by 'Big Phil' Scolari.

But injuries took a toll on Deco when he decided to make the return home to Brazil, restricting him to limited appearances though he still was able to contribute to Flu's domestic titles twice in the past three years.

Luca Toni comes calling again

Luca Toni is back – he’s now with his 16^th club at Hellas Verona – and scored a brace as they beat AC Milan 2-1 at the weekend. Amazingly, the big man has never played for either Milan club,  which is surprising considering all the goals he scored for Palermo, Fiorentina and Bresia – if you score more than 10 a season for anyone in Italy, you get signed by AC, Inter or Juventus (he scored just 3 for Genoa in 2010-11 and Juventus had to have him!).

Marek Hamsik got a couple for Napoli, who had the luxury of bringing on Gonzalo Higuain late for his debut, while fellow Argentinian Carlos Tevez notched for Juventus as they beat Sampdoria 1-0.

All the major European leagues are up and running, MLS is getting close to the playoff stage (which is all that seems to count), South America is ticking along nicely, and I’m advertising for a new Asian reporter (insert your own Simpsons joke here as I have enough lawsuits to deal with already).

Now we just need the Carling Cup second round on Tuesday and Wednesday to really get football fans excited. Surely there’s no one out there who isn’t revved up for Leyton Orient against Hull or  Tranmere v Bolton.  I’m not sure my heart will be able to handle Stoke against Walsall on Wednesday, it may just be too much for me.

Fresh injury worry for Liverpool captain

Seems Steven Gerrard is getting a bit of work done

Not quite sure if Stevie G has picked up a groin injury, or if he's just embarrassed to have only put half of his shorts on. Either way, nothing a man in gloves with a tub of vaseline can't fix

*It's no coincidence that Gerrard has had less injury worries now he's no longer carrying Charlie Adam.

Geezer's weekend review

Arsenal are back in the title race; Manchester City's foreigners don't have the bottle for a scrap; Crystal Palace could be the worst Premier League team in history.

Ok, so only one of those three statements is true. I'll let you pick the one you fancy.

Not the most exciting weekend of action, but it's still just the second weekend of the season. Nothing is decided in August - it's not like Spurs can win 1-0 every week with a dodgy penalty - and if it was the same every week, Newcastle, West Ham, Everton and West Brom fans would probably never watch another game in their lives.

We need some perspective this early in the year. Although I can already see tomorrow's back pages predicting Jose has David Moyes' number, or that the Scotsman has evoked the spirit of Fergie.

Oh, and a replay of Hull v Norwich is on later. Don't forget to record that one.

***

PSG finally won a game, with Cavani scoring again, but Marseille remain top after winning their first 3 games of the season... Barcelona won 1-0 without Messi, with Neymar still being used as a sub. Real Madrid play Grenada today (without Gareth Bale as things stand)... Dortmund, Leverkeusen, Bayern Munich and Mainz 05 have all won their opening 3 games in the Bundesliga - maybe it's not the two horse race I predicted (but let's give it a few weeks). Serie A review to come...

***

Clint Dempsey is still goalless since his return to the MLS, but Seattle won again, so no one will care about the other stats - oh wait, it's the US, stats are all that matter. The Red Bulls were upset by bottom of the table Chivas, but with 15 of the 19 teams still in contention for the playoff places, no result in the MLS is really a surprise.

Monday morning feeling

Some people are probably excited for the Manchester United v Chelsea game later, but it's still Monday morning and I still want to be in bed.

Feeling like a Manchester City fans this morning...

Sunday Funday

You're a goalkeeper, not a footballer - know your limits!

These kits will mess with your eyes

Hull play Norwich in the Premier League today - yes it's true, that's not a typo! It's a fixture you couldn't imagine being in England's top flight a few years ago, and even more surprising seeing as Steve Bruce manages Hull.

But it's not that they are unfashionable teams....no wait, they are, but not for the reasons you think.

Check out these two kits, and tell me that that these teams belong in any league!

Dutch legends coach sides to 3-3 draw

Friday night excuses

Heerenveen and Ajax drew 3-3 on Friday night - a fantastic game with two Dutch legends masterminding their teams. Marco van Basten and Frank de Boer were great players and look like being very successful managers.

It gives me a excuse to post possibly the best goal of all-time to the site (it's all opinions, but it's in my top 5). It also gives me the chance to let you know about players like Alfred Finnbogason, Luciano Slagveer and Magnus Wolff Eikrem - not only do they seem like good players, but they have fantastic names!

But anyway, here's that volley I dream about...

The weekend is here - don't celebrate like this

So we're just about there. The Geezer is about to crack a beer and watch some previews of the games coming up this weekend - or just read this again for all the typos and blatant errors I made.

I'l be watching all the games just for you, and celebrating every goal, red card and stupid moment (as it gives me something to write about next week). But I won't be doing this - mainly as I can't, but also because if I could, I won't remember it as I'd have to be really drunk (and things that happen when you're drunk don't count!).

A Rose without thorns is like love without heartbreak

A little bit of Friday culture

I can't praise a Spurs player easily, but have to after Danny Rose's goal last night

Spurs won 5-0 in the Europa League last night and look like they are building a very good team, even if Willian decides to go to Chelsea for Champions League football (or money, you decide). Danny Rose scored a really good goal (check it out on YouTube here), and it made me think about a goal he scored in the north London derby a few years back.

Cracking technique - and something that every young kid dreams of. take it away Danny...

 

*see how I enticed you with the promise of culture? And instead you just got another great goal. It has nothing to do with me losing interest in the literature part of it at all...I promise.

De Koch and the Minge - not what it seems

German legend you don't want to search for

Maybe it was the article about Johan De Koch that got me wondering, but I couldn't help thinking about Minge, Ralf Minge.

Check out urban dictionary if you're not sure of the British slang, but it's for the home computer, not the work one.

But anyway, Ralf has his own website (http://www.ralf-minge.de/) - it's probably the last thing people want to see when they are searching for filth - not that the Geezer would know!

Read his wikipedia page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralf_Minge). The sentences are genius. He was a pretty decent player by all accounts, but you won't be able to read it without laughing.

And what can I say about his picture? I don't know his family, but it's the scariest Minge this Geezer has ever seen.

Are we just waiting for the big Monday night game?

The weekend preview is here

Looking at the Premier League fixtures this weekend, I can't say I'll be desperate to tune in to Match of the Day on Saturday night (early afternoon in the US). Stoke v Palace, Hull v Norwich and Southampton v Sunderland aren't ones that really get you excited.

But no one can argue that this week at work went quicker with football back in out lives. An interesting opening weekend, some Champions League qualifiers and Europa League thumpings mean goals, saves and plenty of horrible refereeing.

Manchester United v Chelsea on Monday should be pretty lively, but we'll get to that next week. Liverpool against Villa should be good as both looked decent in their first games (with Villa seeming to have a very tough opening 3 games).

Arsenal fans want to see a few signings before the Fulham game, but Arsene Wenger knows he'll be in big trouble if they lose again.

***

My weekend game to look out for in Europe is Malaga v Barcelona. With Messi out, I'd like to see if Neymar gets the start after his goal midweek. It's also the first weekend of Serie A - check out our preview here. Some French football Friday night with Monaco and Falcao in action.

In fact, it's all set up nicely, just wish it was on every day.

Geezer of the Day

This guy would have to be in the conversation about best French striker of all time. 30 goals in 54 games for the national team. 134 in 215 games for Marseille and countless (well, not countless, just too many to list) goals for AC Milan, Bayern Munich and Bordeaux.

Loved a volley, was great in the air and was a fantastic finisher. Also gives me a reason to hum the French national anthem, which has to be one of the best there is. Today's Geezer is Jean-Pierre Papin.

And one of many tributes on YouTube...

Mourinho shows what he really thinks of Lambert

Chelsea boss admits Villa were unlucky not to get a point

Chelsea maintained their 100% start to the season with a 2-1 win over Aston Villa last night, but they were probably fortunate to still be playing with 11 when they got the winner. Typical that it should be the man who should have been sent off that scores, but that's the way it always seems to go. I can't understand why a penalty wasn't awarded against John Terry, but visiting teams rarely get those decisions at Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge or Maine Road (I can't be bothered to look up what their new sponsored ground is called).

Jose said that Paul Lambert complained about every decision, and admitted that he was like that when he was younger - yes Mourinho is 6 years older, just is a handsome bastard! But my undercover research shows what Jose really thought...

Le Sulk lives up to his nickname...or not?

Just one game into the season, Anelka quits West Brom

Amazing scenes at the Hawthorns. Just two months after leaving Juventus and signing for Steve Clarke at West Brom, the 34 year old has emptied his locker and apparently quit the game.

Early suggestions are that there was an incident in his personal life and it had nothing to do with football.

Hope it's nothing major, but always seemed to me that he didn't quite live up to the potential he showed at Arsenal. Maybe is was because he never played with anyone as good as Dennis Bergkamp again, but that's just my opinion.

*Stay posted. Seems his agent has died, and he's been given the weekend off, but not officially retired.

Juventus are favorites, but Napoli are in with a shout

I wasn’t surprised when Rafa Benitez took the Napoli job – he loves taking over teams that are already very good.

Napoli finished second in Serie A to Juventus last season, their best finish since they won the Scudetto in 1989-90. Edinson Cavani was the league’s top scorer with 29, although he was sold to Paris St. Germain for big bucks. They have already used the money to Gonzalo Higuain, and Pepe Reina on loan. They join Raul Albiol and Jose Callejon from Real Madrid, and Dries Mertens from PSV.

Probably not since Maradona and Careca, or maybe Zola and Ciro Ferrara have Napoli been so good. Bankruptcy in 2004, and subsequent relegation to Serie C1 meant S.S.C. Napoli were in real threat of folding, but film producer Aurelio De Laurentiis seems to have put them back on the path to success.

Then there's AC Milan who have Mario Balotelli - an no-one knows how that's going to go. Inter still have Walter Samuel - and we all know how that's going to go.

But Juventus are still winning the league – adding Carlos Tevez and Fernando Llorente makes them by far the stand out team (which they were already). Andrea Pirlo is still mustard, and just can't see anyone even really competing with I Bianconeri.

Koscielny could have really injured him

Arsenal man has had a tough start to the season

Gunners win 3-0 in Turkey and look set to make the Group stages again

Laurent Koscielny was sent off in Arsenal's opening day loss to Aston Villa, conceding a penalty to boot. Now he's really taking things too far. Headbutting Pierre Webo's foot last night in the win over Fernerbahce was taking it too far. You can see the pain in Webo's face as the Frenchman nuts him.

Uncalled for Laurent!

 

May not want to be woken if you're an Arsenal fan

Interesting read via Deadspin...

http://deadspin.com/soccer-coach-in-coma-wakes-up-when-he-hears-about-team-1178665806

When I wake up from this hangover coma, my team better be winning - and by coma, I mean the prospect of watching Hull v Norwich on Saturday.

A Wednesday miracle

It seems Jose Mourinho has found a way to get Fernando Torres back in form. Let him play with no goalkeeper.

I was a little worried he was going to miss from there...

It's not like a 50 million pound striker has missed an open goal before...wait, is that the same guy?!

Geezer of the Day?

Not sure we can call Ian Wallace a Geezer, but the look of disgust in his face surely proves that he can see his reflection in the camera lens.

Not sure if it's the hair or the kit, or the clash, but fair play to the Scottish star for putting up with it. His 58 goals in 130 games for Coventry earned him a move to double-defending European Champions Nottingham Forest in 1980, where he would become their top scorer for the next two years.

Looked like a foul to me

Imagine getting booked for this

You may as well smash someone and get a card that's worthwhile

Early season contender - Antoine Griezmann (Real Sociedad) v Lyon

Great bike from today's 'Champion's League' playoff...

Scissors kick GOLAZO!!! Antoine Griezmann (Real Sociedad) v Lyon [GIF] | Football goal videos, highlights & clips - 101GG

Here's a clue...

Battle of the hair

Now it seems that Spurs are about to sign Willian - making it another target that Liverpool and Arsenal have missed out on. I do wonder if Daniel Levy and AVB just wait until other teams find players they want, then offer double the wages.

It also suggests that Spurs are about to sell Gareth Bale. As we suggested in this article at the end of July, it may not be bad for Tottenham. They have seemingly already spent the money - as there is no other place they can be getting it as they didn't qualify for the Champions League again.

Another attacking midfielder joins the league. They seem to be flavor of the month, but it makes sense for Spurs after they sold Clint Dempsey and are finally realizing that Gylfi Sigurdsson is rubbish.

Maybe it's coincidence, but if Willian does come to the Premier League, then David Luiz could be off - there's just not enough room for all that hair!

Non-trick of the trade

This still makes me laugh - yes, I do mean the fact that he managed to get an England cap.

Usually the left foot is for standing on, so use the right leg to foul yourself!

David Dunn, take it away...

Sagna lands on his head; Was a bit of a scarecrow anyway

Bacary Sagna wasn't known for his intelligent defending - he is very good going forward, but think most teams would take Phil Neville before Sagna, and that's saying something.

Here's his scary fall from the weekend - now if only he had a heart and some courage too.

Taylor's red card had nothing on this

Steven Taylor has been sent off for Newcastle against Man City - his team were getting thumped anyway, but the sending off seemed pretty soft.

He raises his arms, but Sergio Aguero runs into him, then goes down like he's been shot.

It's not a red card, and with City already 2-0 up at the time (now 4 and counting after Yaya Toure's fantastic free kick and Nasri's tidy finish), Newcastle are just trying to save face on the opening day. Can't wait for Alan Pardew's assessment of the decision.

Meanwhile, here's a proper red card to keep you entertained!

South American football at its finest

Tio Pelotas will still tell me Peruvian football is on the way up!

Great finish from the lad - real quality technique.

Something to cheer up Arsenal fans...

Arsene Wenger may have made bids for Cabaye, Fellaini, Baines, Ibrahimovic, Michu and Ashley Williams before I finish typing this post, but they'll probably get outbid, get cold feet over their high wages, or simply decide to nurture more players through their academy.

But they still have this video...it will make you smile, even more so if you're a Tottenham fan!

Geezer's weekend review

 So, where to start?

The Premier League is back, Manchester United are going about their business despite David Moyes' complaints about the fixture list (he's sounding like old red nose Taggart already!).

Chelsea and the 'Understated One' did their job. Spurs followed suit, with straight forward wins for Liverpool and West Ham. A few surprise results for Fulham, Everton and Southampton, but I expect teams in the so-called 'middle league' (I am coining that phrase, even if it doesn't catch on) to all take points from each other all season - so nothing is really a surprise.

Arsenal are trying to sign everyone on Monday - a little late, but i think Arsene Wenger has finally realized that it's not 2004, he can't get Henry on loan again, and his team is distinctly average. Laughing at Arsenal is easy (and I hope we continue to do so), but I did respect how they did business and tried to build a team. Unfortunately for them, the game has become so rich that they have to dig deep and buy. They were very poor on Saturday, and despite the second penalty being a terrible decision, they weren't unlucky.

***

What to say about La Liga that hasn't been said? Barcelona won 7-0, Messi was great, Neymar got an easy debut - but seriously, the Geezer could get 20+ as a striker in that team. Even Fernando Torres might get into double figures.

Real Madrid made hard work of Real Betis on Carlo Ancelotti's first game as coach. Isco looked a great signing, but he should be for almost $40 million.

***

And amongst other things.... Falcao supposedly wants out despite Monaco winning their first two games. Ibra and Laurent Blanc are struggling so far, with PSG drawing their first two games (he's off to the Premier League, trust me!). There are 5 teams in the Bundesliga who have won their first two games - no prizes for guessing that Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund are two of them.

***

But regardless of my negativity about everything being predictable, it was still a great weekend. far too many games were watched, NBC made a solid start in the US and my team won - so more than a few beverages were consumed, a rendition of 'We are top of the league' was sung and everyone in the Geezer household was happy - at least until next weekend!  

Nutcase of the Day

Over 70 games for Italy, 330 for Milan, a World Cup winner, and there's still no sign that this 35 year-old is calming down.

Gennaro Gattuso was sent off in just his second game as Palermo manager this weekend. He once headbutted Spurs Assistant Manager Joe Jordan (although Joe probably didn't even notice), was partially blamed for the row that got Zidane sent off in the World Cup final, and worst of all, he married a Scottish woman - so he's very brave as well as off his head!

Palermo lost 1-0 as the former midfielder was sent off for dissent, something you can't rule out happening every game this season - he only lasted 3 months as manager of Sion in Switzerland, and his stint in Serie B may not last much longer.

Don't worry, Pipa's happy

Not sure which chip was prettier but Federico Higuain, older brother of Napoli striker Gonzalo Higuain, stole the show again in this weekend's round of MLS play as the campaign reaches the home stretch.

The Columbus Crew, striving to enter the playoff fight with about 10 matches left, climbed on Pipa's back for a second consecutive week behind another two-goal performance by the Argentine.

Last week, Pipa surprised the favored New York Red Bulls with this magnificent shot over Luis Robles:

And, on Saturday, Higuain sent another over Toronto FC keeper Joe Bendik:

MLS supporters have to thank the great Guillermo Barros Schelotto, who previously played with the Crew and brought home their first MLS Cup. He recommended the city and league to Higuain, so safe to say, Pipa's a happy Midwesterner now.

Sunday Funday

Did it even go out of play? Is it a yellow card for diving?

Lino? Are you there? If I call you an Assistant Referee, will you know what day of the week it is?!

The big kick-off

This is how every game should kick-off

Would love to see Andy Carroll or Fernando Torres try this

(I know he's not kicking off, it has to go forward, Torres is unlikely to be on the pitch to kick-off)

Monaco's gain is La Liga's loss

So, here we go...

La Liga is about to kick-off, and no doubt there will be some thrills and spills this weekend, but you'll have to look to Ligue Un for finishing of this quality - doubt Messi, Neymar or Ronaldo has this in their locker!

Score, or your wife gets it

Yes, John Terry gets a hard time, but he deserves it

He gives it out, so lock up your wives!

Apparently JT doesn't want Mourinho to sign Wayne Rooney...because his wife is rotten. I am googling Samule Eto'o's wife right now!

Don't worry Rafa, Serie A doesn't start for another week

The Premier League and La Liga start this weekend, but Rafa Benitez has at least one more week before he sees these signs!

Here's hoping for a few of these this season

Who doesn't love a mistake?

Fulham fans would love to Mark Schwarzer make a few of these after he left for Chelsea

Robbie Earle, Kebabs and a Geezer

Gus Johnson makes Mark Lawrenson sound like a genius

NBC coverage of soccerball could be a disaster

Augustus Cornelius "Gus" Johnson, Jr. hasn't endeared himself to football fans, although part of it may be that he's working with Ian Wright. Analysis, a very loose term, is given by Warren Barton and Brian McBride (of  Blue Steel fame). 

But Fox Soccer is not covering the Premier League this season. Starting tomorrow, it's down to NBC to unleash it's own expert analysis. I'm interested to hear what Graeme Le Saux has to say, but not so much Lee Dixon.

Gary Lineker will be contributing, but I'm most looking forward to hearing Robbie Earle. Having bumped into him outside a nightclub, he could barely stand and looked like he needed help. A quick beer and a kebab with the Geezer and he was all good. Let's hope he brings the same dedication to commentating as he did to drinking.

Here's the full list of the new NBC team.

Gordon Strachan tells it like it is

He's been dealt a tough hand in life (I'll let you make an assumptions you want!), but Gordon Strachan is a quick-witted, funny and brutally honest man.

He admitted that Scotland's 3-2 defeat to England was "a huge opportunity missed," and that they could have been heroes in 40 years time had they won.

It reminded me of a quote of his back when he was with Southampton...

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?

Strachan: No, I’m just going to crumble like a wreck. I’ll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.


Ask a stupid question, Gordon will make you feel stupid. Wish there were more like him.