Secretly hoping he got smashed in the face!

Don't jump, don't jump. He can't get it up and down from there.

Next time people shout that at you in the wall, just remember that it's easier than lying on the floor!

Maybe someone should hang upside-down from the crossbar next time!

Who is the biggest absentee from the World Cup this summer?

No Robinho, Kaka or Ronaldinho in the Brazil squad for this summer's showpiece - not a huge surprise, but all 3 will be missed, although they are no longer at the peak of their powers.

Who else will be missed this summer?

The easy answer is Zlatan, but we'll exclude him as Sweden didn't qualify.

Any thoughts? The early answer is Francesco Totti, although I'm still holding out hope that he makes the Italian squad.

I think I may be a bit obsessed!

Bradley says MLS is 'no longer a place to end your career'

Micheal Bradley, Tim Cahill and Omar Gonzalez came to visit today and all three were making the right noises about MLS.

Bradley was insistent that MLS is no longer a place where players come to end their careers. Having joined Toronto FC at 26, 10 years after playing for the MetroStars, Bradley said that the quality of the league is now starting to match the rest of the world. Saying that he wanted to build something in the sportscentric Canadian city, Bradley said that, although he may have unfinished business in Europe, MLS is the place for him right now.

He noted how all the strong international teams have a core group of players in their domestic league, something MLS has done ahead of the World Cup in Brazil this summer.

Although pushed a little on preparations for the World Cup, conditions in Brazil and their international careers, what came across was how impressed they were with the growth and direction of MLS.

Talking about the star power of David Beckham and Thierry Henry, Cahill commented on the organizational strengths on the league and how the structure is key to continued development. He mentioned the excitement of being part of a group that is building the league and taking the world game to a place of its own in the US where it doesn't need to compete with other sports.

Ahead of the season's start on March 8, the players raved about the soccer specific stadiums helping to build rivalries and create match-ups that fans can't wait to see.

Gonzalez said while he's going to be disappointed to leave the Galaxy for a month during the World Cup, that playing for your country supercedes everything, and that the league is now strong enough to hold its own even if the stars are off for a few weeks.

Roll on the new season as there are now plenty of players here in MLS that will feature in Brazil - a trend that looks set to continue as the league grows.

Ronaldinho makes you wanna dance

Atletico Mineiro and Cruzeiro play out to a scoreless draw Sunday but Ronaldinho made sure the match wasn't a snoozer with this move.

-Tio Pelotas
@TioPelotas74

Vasco da Gama foiled by squatting, blind ref

Flamengo nets winner two minutes from time to take 2-1 decision

Everyone in the famed Maracana stadium, including Spanish tennis great Rafael Nadal, saw the ball cross the line, albeit at a rapid pace, but the assistant referee saw otherwise.

-TioPelotas
@TioPelotas74

Copa Libertadores: Action-packed preliminaries conclude

Brazilian sides through, Mexico's Morelia out, U de Chile has best goal

The first stage of South America's premier competition moved six sides into the 32-team group phase and produced some fantastic football, goals and glimpses into what's expected in Copa Libertadores' seven-month journey to crown this year's champion.

The legendary Clarence Seedorf gave Botafogo some moments of brilliance last year to help capture a spot in this year's Libertadores edition before moving on to take the reins at AC Milan. And now, 25-year-old Wallyson--after netting a hat trick in Botafogo's 4-1 win at home over Ecuador's Deportivo Quito this week--will hope to emulate his former teammate as he looks to recapture his form from 2011 when he had seven goals for Libertadores' Golden Boot that year when he was with Cruzeiro.

Meanwhile, Brazil's other team in the preliminaries, Atletico Paranaense, needed to off Peru's Sporting Cristal in agonizing fashion as the Brazilians squeaked by in penalty kicks. Cristal player Yoshimar Yotun said after the match that he would have preferred to lose 3-0.

But no other side could boast the tournament's top goal so far as Uruguayan forward Rodrigo Mora netted this beauty for Universidad de Chile in its first-leg win over Paraguay's Guarani before closing them out 2-3 in the away leg.

Elswhere, Guillermo Barros Schelotto's Lanus side knocked off Venezuela's Caracas, Colombia's Independiente Santa Fe bested Morelia and Uruguay's Nacional edged Bolivia's Oriente Petrolero.

Check back for more updates on Copa Libertadores.

-TioPelotas
@TioPelotas74

Pelotas' Ponderings: MLS sked favorable for more super signings?

Can the league's spring-to-fall campaign attract more players in a WC year? 

There's no doubt the reasonings behind Julio Cesar's reported interest of a loan to the ever-increasingly glamorous Toronto FC (never thought anyone would write that!) is playing time--especially in a World Cup year. In his native Brazil.

The veteran keeper has fallen out of favor on ol' 'arry Redknapp's Queens Park Rangers side but, at the same time, his hefty wages have been weighing on the club's books. Surprisingly, no other team has come in to swoop the 34-year-old Brazilian.

There's been talk of teams in South America looking to engage his services, specifically participating camps in South America' prestigious Copa Libertadores tournament. Recent reports had him in advanced negotiations with Gremio but that was shot down pretty fast by club officials. Money, again, was an issue.

If the Toronto interest is true, Major League Soccer may have just realized that it could be chipping at a gold mine in its strategy to bring over blockbuster signings in their prime. Their spring-to-fall schedule may benefit the league short- and long-term. It's been analyzed and written that MLS will eventually be able to compete with the world's leagues for some of the game's best players. But did anyone think that the league could attract some now? Can MLS scramble and grab a few top names before the competition? Would it be possible for Euro 2016 and Russia 2018?

The U.S. national team's domestic players will have a nice advantage of being in-season form ahead of the World Cup this year while most of the globe's seasons conclude about two months before the tournament. With Landon Donovan, Clint Dempsey and Michael Bradley all in MLS until Jurgen Klinsmann comes calling them to camp, will these players provide momentum for their difficult group matches?

Julio Cesar may have just found the spark he needs to add to his 77 caps with the national team, which  is under immense pressure to lift its sixth trophy on its home soil. Continuous play and aerial challenges against physical MLS sides could just be what 'Big Phil' Scolari is counting on to complete his puzzle come June.

-TioPelotas

@TioPelotas74

South America's top competition kicks off tonight

Quietly and under the radar, the 55th edition of the Copa Libertadores kicks off tonight as 38 clubs fight to raise the continent's top trophy and succeed Brazil's Atletico Mineiro as champions. The competition is as pure as it gets but the glitz and glamour of Europe's Champions League is notably not as comparable in Libertadores. But trying convincing the press and the participating teams' fervent supporters that the Copa is not as relevant.

The preliminary phase, which involves 12 teams paired up for a home-and-away series, will begin tonight (6pm ET) in Bolivia as Oriente Petrolero hosts one of South America's traditional giants in Uruguay's Nacional, which should have been favorites to move on. Petrolero's fans, on the other hand, have reason to be ignited with confidence instead: some of Nacional's first-team regulars will be unable to partake in the competition as they were banned by Uruguay's civil court after a massive brawl in a friendly derby last week against rivals Penarol.

The Bolivians, which are already a couple of rounds into their domestic season, just hired 39-year-old Uruguayan Tabare Silva as their manager, and who better to tactically figure out countrymen than he. Look for Bolivian veteran centerback Ronaldo Raldes to guide his side as he returns to his country after a decade abroad.

In Mexico (8:15pm ET), Morelia welcomes Colombia's Independiente Santa Fe. The Mexicans named a new manager last night after kicking out their previous one via Twitter last week. Morelia has a tight schedule over the next week, with the two-legged Copa series and a league match against reigning Mexican champs Leon this weekend. Will they survive? The Mexicans have a nice quartet of South Americans in their books, including Ecuador national-team winger Jefferson Montero who will face off against his compatriot Edison Mendez.

Mendez is part of a major overhaul in Sante Fe, who made it all the way to the Copa semifinals last year. Fans are also happy that striker Jonathan Copete is back in Colombia after seven years abroad along with veteran Wilder Medina. 

Keep checking back for more updates and reviews for Copa Libertadores news.

-TioPelotas

@TioPelotas74

Try it, you might like it (or keep trying until you do!)

The Guardian's World Cup draw simulator is fantastic.

It's worth finding out who your country can play, and how they can avoid Spain and Brazil !

Here's the link.

I'm not bored. Really, I have midweek previews to write.

Then there were 32 - but not many surprises

All 32 places for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil are now taken after the play-off games were completed this week, and the field has a familiar look to it. Twenty-four of the 32 teams are same as in 2010, with the qualification process seemingly paving the way for the bigger teams to make the tournament. 

Mexico won just two of their 10 games in the final round of qualifying, yet still got another chance to make it by playing a home and home series with New Zealand, a team ranked 79 in the world (Mexico are 24). Bosnia-Herzegovina are the only debutants, with 14 of the 32 teams having reached double digits in appearances (Brazil 2014 is the 20^th World Cup). 

Although 76 different national teams have made the finals, there have only been 17 new teams since the format expanded to 32 teams in 1998, and only seven of those have made a repeat appearance. 

Only South American teams have won the tournament when it's been held in the Americas, and no team from outside of Europe or South America have ever made the final in any World Cup - so although it's great to see representation from Algeria to Australia, it's unlikely they will reach the later stages - with South Korea and the US (in 1930) the only teams from outside the traditional powerbases to even make a semi-final.

The African teams tend to vary a little, but teams from Asia, South America, North and Central America and Europe are largely the same every four years. Some bigger European nations always miss out as the region gets 13 spots for 53 nations, but it’s the World Cup and the beauty of it is seeing teams from all over the world – because there’s no other stage to potentially watch Iran against Costa Rica.

Also worth viewing on the WSJ sports section:

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304607104579210260819460176

Will Ireland fans care if France fail to make it to Brazil?

Remember this?

I'm sure Ireland fans will be learning the national anthem of Ukraine ahead of today's game - or just drinking a few of those famous Ukrainian beers...

Zlatan or Ronaldo - and you can't have both

So the big game tomorrow in the European playoffs for the Brazil 2014 World Cup has to be Greece v Romania. Can't wait for that one!

Then there's Portugal v Sweden. Cristiano against Zlatan. The two superstars have 48 goals between them this year, and 7 hat-tricks. With Lionel Messi injured, these two are the best two players in the game right now.

Zlatan has it all - the goals he scores are unbelievable, but his technique is phenomenal. He's such a character and has a personality that Brazil needs next summer.

Ronaldo is moody, elusive and more model than footballer. But what a footballer. He has everything, and has to be considered one of the greats of the game already - and he's only 28.

But we can't have both. Never team could win their group, although Sweden had a much tougher task after being paired with Germany. And the luck (or should we say bad luck) drew the two teams together. I wouldn't be bothered if Sweden or Portugal weren't there, but if Ronaldo and Zlatan aren't there, they will be missed.

France should beat Ukraine over two legs. They have quality at the back and in midfield, with Ukraine posing little threat in my opinion. Iceland are huge underdogs against Croatia, but they are the feel good story of European qualification. Greece and Romania is a game that doesn't excite me at all, which probably means it will be the best one. Neither team will do much in Brazil, but then I said that when Greece won the Euros in 2004!

I'm taking Sweden to win over the two legs, with Greece, Iceland and France joining them. Cristiano has it all already, and he'll sulk for a while, but then console himself with his model girlfriend, millions of dollars and addiction to sunbeds.

Got to go for Iceland, unless you're Croatian

Iceland are bidding to become the smallest nation to reach the World Cup finals when they hosts the first leg of their play-off against Croatia in Reykjavik tomorrow.

And now that there's another Icelander among the Geezer family (welcome Max, Iceland is fine, Arsenal won't be tolerated), it's hard not to back them.

Swedish coach Lars Lagerback has taken the island nation, with a population just over 300,000, to the the brink of Brazil 2014, and the chance to reach a major tournament for the first time in their history.

Iceland had won 5 of their group games, including successes over Norway and Slovenia, and are unbeaten in their past four, including a 4-4 draw at group winners Switzerland.

Despite Iceland's vast improvement, Croatia remain favorites to progress, but have a few coaching issues after Igor Stimac stood down following a 2-0 defeat in their final World Cup qualifier against Scotland last month.

Plus, Iceland have Eidur 'Goody' Gudjohnson. How could you nowt like this guy? He played for Chelsea (so that's one reason), but always seemed to enjoy the game and got to play for the national team with his Dad - that's good enough for me!

Bradley will be in Brazil, but probably as an ESPN analyst

Everything you need to know about the Egypt-Ghana match can be summarized in one word: letdown.

With their 6-1 loss to Ghana on Tuesday, Egypt is in a deep hole in their attempt to qualify for their first World Cup since 1990. The beating makes all of the recent press coverage on Bob Bradley's impressive and inspiring run at the helm a bit moot and a lot anticlimactic.

The story of Bradley going over to Egypt and taking on their soccer culture amid turmoil in the country is a tremendous one. Not many would have guessed an American coach would take the Pharaohs to a perfect 6-for-6 record in World Cup qualifying.

I found myself rooting for the Egyptian side for the quality narrative it would have made in Brazil and to see the former U.S. coach make a little bit of history in such an unlikely place.

Unfortunately, with a 5-goal cushion heading into the second leg, Ghana may have just ended this remarkable story before it got really interesting.

-Nick Hatcher

Who else could pack their bags for Brazil?

Ethiopia play Nigeria for a place in Brazil next summer

Brazil are hosting the 20th World Cup next summer.

They qualify automatically, and have so far been joined by Japan, Australia, South Korea, Iran, Holland, Italy, Costa Rica, Argentina and the USA. 10 names are confirmed, with another 7 having the possibility of joining them today.

Belgium, Germany and Switzerland are all in if they win - and I can't see Ireland upsetting the Germans, and it's even more unlikely that the Swiss will lose to Albania.

Russia can qualify if Portugal lose to Israel - it's not worth mentioning that the Russians play Luxembourg, 3 points have never been so easy - just ask Northern Ireland...oh wait. Honduras can make it if they beat Costa Roca and Mexico don't beat Panama.

Colombia and Chile can both clinch from South America, and even if they don't do it right now, both will get it done soon.

But who does that leave?

Spain and France are going to be the top 2 in their group, and it seems likely the holders will get teh automatic place. England have 'amazingly difficult' games against Montenegro and then Poland at home if they are going to clinch the automatic place - that's in quotes because the British press would have you believe that those games at home are too much for a team that includes so-called world beaters like Rooney, Gerrard and Wilshire. Can't have it both ways unless you're the British press - at club level, the players are the best in world, but not so much once the England shirt goes on.

Plus there are so big games in Africa - Ghana against Egypt, Senegal v Ivory Coast, and underdogs Ethiopia and Burkina Faso both still have a chance to make it. It's 5 from 10 in Africa, with the second leg in November after the openers this weekend.

Ecuador, Venezuela and Uruguay seem to be fighting it out for one automatic place and the chance to play Jordan in a qualifier - can't see that qualifier being much harder than playing the Page 3 girl Jordan, so it seems like 2 of 3 from there.

But there's still loads to play for with a couple of games left - 22 names still need to be confirmed, but we'll probably have 16 of the 32 known about once the weekend is over. Settle in, get the DVR cleared out, because there is a lot of football to watch this weekend.

The other Willian rolling with Cruzeiro

A Raposa is top of the table and seeks a seventh win in a row

Willian--no, not the one that was just picked up by The Special One over in London, the other one with Cruzeiro--had a brace against Goias Wednesday to give the current leaders (43 points) a sixth consecutive victory, entering the 21st round of the Brazilian championship.

The club hosts fourth-placed Atletico Paranaense (35) tomorrow and are riding an 18-match win streak at home in the Mineirao stadium.

Meanwhile, down south from Belo Horizonte near the coast, living geezer legend Clarence Seedorf and his second-placed side Botafogo side (39) will be away to Santos (28), a difficult but not impossible task to snatch three points. 

If all goes well for Cruzeiro and Botafogo this weekend, then it should be a cracker of a match between these two on Wednesday at the Mineirao.

Pink eye? Crying? Partying? Landon's eye even has a twitter account!

The US did it! We're headed to Brazil! 

Many questions were answered last night: how would the US fare against El Tri without the injured Michael Bradley and three suspended players (just fine), would they beat Mexico 2-0 once again in Columbus (they did), would Honduras send us through to Brazil (also, yes).

But the one question that we still don't have a clear answer for is what in god's name happened to Landon Donovan's eye?!?

I mean look at this thing! 

The picture made the rounds over Twitter and the rest of the Interwebs last night during the match. It became such a meme that someone came up with that oh-so-clever thing of having his eye tweeting in the first-person from a single-serving Twitter account. I wonder how soon that thing will go dormant.

While ESPN's Roger Bennett said Donovan had an eye infection, I came up with my own theories as to why Landon looks like he went toe-to-toe with Floyd Mayweather. 

From least likely to most likely:

5) He's been possessed. With qualification still up in the air, Landon took one for the team and sold his soul to the devil to ensure a trip to Brazil. But since selling your soul is a high price to pay, I'm sure Landon got his money's worth and the US is guaranteed to take home the gold trophy next year.

4) He got punched in the eye at Friday's. Now hear me out - the night before the match, the boys went out to the local pub to enjoy a few beers and watch some Monday Night (American) Football. (In Columbus, the place to go is TGI Friday's.) Hailing from California, Landon probably supports the San Diego Chargers, so naturally he was sporting a Phillip Rivers jersey. 

Right before he bit into a jalapeno popper (his favorite), some drunk local started jawing at him over his taste in quarterbacks. (Unsurprisingly, Rivers cost the man a fantasy football championship the year before) Landon defended his QB's rep, things got heated and a few punches were thrown. Landon took a fist to the eye. (He deserved it as Rivers stinks.)

3) He's wearing fashion contact lenses and one fell out. He wanted to look intimidating so he bought a pair of those awful lenses. You try finding a tiny, clear plastic lens on a giant green pitch.

2) He's been crying over his breakup with his wife. Yes, his split with actress Bianca Kijilic happened way back in 2010, but I could see why he might still be upset.

and the most likely scenario...

1) He has pinkeye because he doesn't wash his hands properly after wiping / or someone farted on his pillow. Pinkeye, or conjunctivitis, is the swelling of the mucus membrane between the eye and eyelid and it can be caused by allergies, bacteria or a virus (such as herpes!). Hands can become contaminated by coming in contact with infectious tears, eye discharge, fecal matter, or respiratory discharges, according to the CDC.

If pinkeye is indeed the case, it's probably because Landon was in such a hurry to get back on the practice field to ensure US domination that he skipped a step or two while utilizing the training facility commode. 

Or maybe someone just farted on his pillow. It could have been a prank gone horribly awry by one of his puckish teammates (my money is on Eddie Johnson) or a revenge stunt by the hotel staff in Costa Rica. We may never know for sure.

What we do know is that pinkeye is pretty contagious, so I'm surprised he didn't find himself in open space more often last night. And while it hasn't been confirmed if beer helps with conjunctivitis, I doubt anybody was in a rush to hold his bottle for him.

- Nick 'The American' Hatcher

Would Brazil be the same without England fans?

England boss Roy Hodgson can't win, even if he wins. If England beat Ukraine later, they would be pretty close to being able to book tickets to Brazil - and start the paperwork for all the convicted criminals in the team to get visas! But they are expected to make the major tournaments, even tho they haven't won one since 1966 - just so that the fans can turn on the team, get depressed, smash up the bar and boycott the favorite beer of the host nation or team that knocked them out.

So here's to the optimism of England fans, and the hope that a win is on the cards, just so I can get easy access to Bohemia beers on the Copacabana next summer!

Obrigado, Deco

Beset by injuries, the elegant playmaker elects to retire

The Brazilian-born-turned-Portuguese citizen Deco announced his retirement from football today after suffering through some oft-injured seasons while plying his trade with Fluminense in Brazil.

The left-footed midfielder, 36,  showed his brilliance to the world under the guidance of one Jose Mourinho when Porto lifted the Champions League in 2004, which eventually sealed his move to Barcelona where he played in a three-man formation in the middle of the park alongside Ronaldinho. Later, he made the trek to Chelsea, which, at the time, was managed by 'Big Phil' Scolari.

But injuries took a toll on Deco when he decided to make the return home to Brazil, restricting him to limited appearances though he still was able to contribute to Flu's domestic titles twice in the past three years.

Pelotas' look ahead to Wednesday tilts

Tio Pelotas provides a small glimpse of what's to come on a fun FIFA friendly day

So it's friendly-match day. Some of us don't care because they're just that---friendlies--while others do because it's more football in the middle of August. With summer winding down here in the States, school about to start and, oh yeah, World Cup qualifiers, major European campaigns and MLS playoffs nearing, let's look at some of the matches on tap for tomorrow:

South Korea-Peru (5am) - South Korea went to the World Cup semifinals in 2002; Peru went to the World Cup in 1982. This has 0-0 written all over it.

Chile-Iraq (noon) - Iraq is rebuilding and will face the wrath of Chile's attack. Chile reportedly will play Iran in its next friendly. No word or confirmation if North Korea is on tap as well.

Colombia-Serbia (2pm) - Radamel Falcao is rich, good-looking, scored on his Ligue 1 debut over the weekend, just became a dad and his side is close to a World Cup ticket, its first in more than 15 years. Now he's the most interesting man in the world.

Bosnia-USA (2:30pm) - Clint Dempsey is big news in the US but won't be in Bosnia for this friendly. No problem. Maybe. OK, crap, 'merica may be in trouble. Bosnia is a scary side, ranked 13th in the world, has a goal differential of plus-20 in their qualifying group after six matches without a defeat. 

Italy-Argentina (2:45pm) - So who does avid footy fan Pope Francis root for in this one? (I know, I know, the whole world used that one today.)

Switzerland-Brazil (2:45pm) - Neymar avoided a press conference, just hours ahead of the match, leaving the band of journalists fuming. But poor Neymar was still reeling after being profiled at a local boutique when told a handbag he wanted to look at was too expensive for him.

England-Scotland (3pm) - For the good of this historic rivalry match, please invite Gazza. Oh, and Wayne Rooney too.

Belgium-France (3pm) - Yes, England is not involved here but between these two sides, there's around 20 Premier League players. 20.

Portugal-Netherlands (3:30pm) - Of course all eyes will be on Ronaldo and Robin van Persie but the true supporters will be on the lookout to see whose gonads Pepe will stomp on.

Ecuador-Spain (4pm) - Both sides will honor the late Christian Benitez, who died last month at 27. The match will take place in Guayaquil, Ecuador, home of Barcelona SC, 6000 miles away from the Nou Camp, home of FC Barcelona.

Mexico-Ivory Coast (9pm) - No Chicharito but we do have Drogba, Gervinho, Salomon Kalou and Yaya Toure here in Giants Stadium (not calling it MetLife) in the beautiful outskirts of northern New Jersey. Mexico manager Chepo de la Torre will be seeking out help from state troopers if results don't go his way because you can bet there will be a sea of angry Mexican supporters.