The Man United glory hunters reach the US

There's the Yankees, the Cowboys, the Heat and now Manchester United. 

Not much of a surprise here, but Manchester United appears to be the most popular football club in America, based on Facebook data of which teams have the most likes by state. 

Man U clearly has the state by state advantage, while Barcelona controls coastal states California, New York, New Jersey and Florida, to name a few. 

Rhode Island is the lone state that doesn't count either team as its favorite, leaving that honor to Real Madrid, a fact which Deadspin links to Real Madrid star and Portugal countryman Christiano Ronaldo and the large Portuguese-American population in the state.

Just like most of America to grab on to the Dallas Cowboys of soccer.

Full story here on Deadspin.

If you're picking a team, I suppose success is one of the factors you consider, but don't people want to experience the shame, emabrassment, pain and suffering of supporting a team like West Ham or Birmingham?

-Nick Hatcher 

Bradley will be in Brazil, but probably as an ESPN analyst

Everything you need to know about the Egypt-Ghana match can be summarized in one word: letdown.

With their 6-1 loss to Ghana on Tuesday, Egypt is in a deep hole in their attempt to qualify for their first World Cup since 1990. The beating makes all of the recent press coverage on Bob Bradley's impressive and inspiring run at the helm a bit moot and a lot anticlimactic.

The story of Bradley going over to Egypt and taking on their soccer culture amid turmoil in the country is a tremendous one. Not many would have guessed an American coach would take the Pharaohs to a perfect 6-for-6 record in World Cup qualifying.

I found myself rooting for the Egyptian side for the quality narrative it would have made in Brazil and to see the former U.S. coach make a little bit of history in such an unlikely place.

Unfortunately, with a 5-goal cushion heading into the second leg, Ghana may have just ended this remarkable story before it got really interesting.

-Nick Hatcher

Pink eye? Crying? Partying? Landon's eye even has a twitter account!

The US did it! We're headed to Brazil! 

Many questions were answered last night: how would the US fare against El Tri without the injured Michael Bradley and three suspended players (just fine), would they beat Mexico 2-0 once again in Columbus (they did), would Honduras send us through to Brazil (also, yes).

But the one question that we still don't have a clear answer for is what in god's name happened to Landon Donovan's eye?!?

I mean look at this thing! 

The picture made the rounds over Twitter and the rest of the Interwebs last night during the match. It became such a meme that someone came up with that oh-so-clever thing of having his eye tweeting in the first-person from a single-serving Twitter account. I wonder how soon that thing will go dormant.

While ESPN's Roger Bennett said Donovan had an eye infection, I came up with my own theories as to why Landon looks like he went toe-to-toe with Floyd Mayweather. 

From least likely to most likely:

5) He's been possessed. With qualification still up in the air, Landon took one for the team and sold his soul to the devil to ensure a trip to Brazil. But since selling your soul is a high price to pay, I'm sure Landon got his money's worth and the US is guaranteed to take home the gold trophy next year.

4) He got punched in the eye at Friday's. Now hear me out - the night before the match, the boys went out to the local pub to enjoy a few beers and watch some Monday Night (American) Football. (In Columbus, the place to go is TGI Friday's.) Hailing from California, Landon probably supports the San Diego Chargers, so naturally he was sporting a Phillip Rivers jersey. 

Right before he bit into a jalapeno popper (his favorite), some drunk local started jawing at him over his taste in quarterbacks. (Unsurprisingly, Rivers cost the man a fantasy football championship the year before) Landon defended his QB's rep, things got heated and a few punches were thrown. Landon took a fist to the eye. (He deserved it as Rivers stinks.)

3) He's wearing fashion contact lenses and one fell out. He wanted to look intimidating so he bought a pair of those awful lenses. You try finding a tiny, clear plastic lens on a giant green pitch.

2) He's been crying over his breakup with his wife. Yes, his split with actress Bianca Kijilic happened way back in 2010, but I could see why he might still be upset.

and the most likely scenario...

1) He has pinkeye because he doesn't wash his hands properly after wiping / or someone farted on his pillow. Pinkeye, or conjunctivitis, is the swelling of the mucus membrane between the eye and eyelid and it can be caused by allergies, bacteria or a virus (such as herpes!). Hands can become contaminated by coming in contact with infectious tears, eye discharge, fecal matter, or respiratory discharges, according to the CDC.

If pinkeye is indeed the case, it's probably because Landon was in such a hurry to get back on the practice field to ensure US domination that he skipped a step or two while utilizing the training facility commode. 

Or maybe someone just farted on his pillow. It could have been a prank gone horribly awry by one of his puckish teammates (my money is on Eddie Johnson) or a revenge stunt by the hotel staff in Costa Rica. We may never know for sure.

What we do know is that pinkeye is pretty contagious, so I'm surprised he didn't find himself in open space more often last night. And while it hasn't been confirmed if beer helps with conjunctivitis, I doubt anybody was in a rush to hold his bottle for him.

- Nick 'The American' Hatcher

The American - a kick to the groin

The US can pretty much qualify tonight, and pile the pressure on the old enemy

Tonight is the night, fellow Americans. 

While America was in full effect over the weekend with the return of NFL football and the gathering of true patriots, few things in the sporting world could boost our national pride than qualifying for the world's biggest sports tournament while vanquishing a hated foe.

With a little help, the Stars and Stripes can qualify for the 2014 World Cup, and strike a huge blow for archrival Mexico. 

How great would it feel to qualify AND knock them from contention? I'm sure it beats a kick to the groin, right Alexi?  

And Mexico is reeling. They lost to Honduras on Friday, then fired their coach Jose Manuel De La Torre on Saturday. Not a happy weekend for El Tri as they crap their drawers at the prospect of missing the World Cup for the first time since 1982. 

It won't be easy, but it rarely is. Jozy Altidore, Matt Besler and Geoff Cameron are suspended, and Michael Bradley, arguably their best player, is out with an injury.

But we have the home field advantage -- the US has beaten Mexico all three times they have played in Columbus. 

So I'm predicting a 2-1 triumph by the US tonight on home soil. Alamo, bitches! Remember it.

-Nick 'The American' Hatcher

Love or Hate him?

Ok, so Real Madrid beat Chelsea in a huge tournament last night, something that indicated exactly how the season is going to finish (put your bets on the LA Galaxy beating Juventus every time they meet this year).

But one genuine thing that did occur was another fantastic free-kick from Cristiano. And then a celebration to prove what a bell-end he is - look that word up in Urban Dictionary if you're unsure!

So there's this...

Followed by this...

Couldn't we have one without the other? Or do they go hand-in-hand?

Not all professionals earn a fortune

The American spotted this on the Pacific Standard website. Very interesting article on the sacrifices we make to follow a  dream. It's about Clint Irwin, a goalkeeper for the Colorado Rapids, who makes $35k a year (about 23,000 pounds).

I think it would make a few bigger names stop to think - a certain Ashley Cole could do with remembering this conversation with his agent Jonathan...

"“I’m here in the office and David Dein (former Arsenal vice-Chairman) is saying they aren’t going to give you £60k ($92k)  a week. They’ve agreed £55k ($84k) and this is their best and final offer. Are you happy with that?”

When I heard Jonathan (Barnett) repeat the figure of £55k, I nearly swerved off the road. “He is taking the piss, Jonathan!” I yelled down the phone. I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. I suppose it all started to fall apart for me from then on. I’d trusted Mr Dein to push the deal through.

That's if Ashley could read! Here's the link again The Life of a Non-Millionaire Professional Athlete

The American

American Football Coach Ted Lasso Hired to Manage TOT’NUM

What would happen if an American football coach was hired to coach a Premier League soccer team? It’s a good bet their learning curve would be pretty steep (and they may misinterpret the word ‘wanker’ as a term of respect and endearment.)

The sketch -- made to promote the Premier League on NBC Sports -- stars Jason Sudekis as American football coach Ted Lasso hired to manage Tottenham, or TOT’ NUM. There he learns that besides the name, American football and the kind played everywhere else have very little in common. Tackling, scoring, offsides, you can pass forwards AND backwards, that the ball goes under the crossbar, not over it.

But whether they’re called Manchester United  or the Dallas Cowboys, both games always have a super rich team people either love or hate.

Now, will somebody *please* explain offsides to us Americans??

                                                                       -Nick Hatcher

UPDATE: The American

US wins first Gold Cup final since 2007

Match with Panama was repeat of 2005 final (which the US won on penalties)

(Just a small Update, but The American almost got it right - but then, who else was he going to pick?!)

Brek Shea scored just 42 seconds after coming into the final as a substitute, and his goal in the 69th minute gave the US a 1-0 victory over Panama in the CONCACAF Gold Cup final. It is the fifth Gold Cup title for the U.S., but it's first since 2007. The victory also extended the Americans' winning streak to a record 11 games, four more than their previous best.

(Here's the original post)

Is there any team in the world as good as the Americans right now??

I didn't have access to a television on Wednesday night and wasn't able to watch the US-Honduras game, so I had to rely on Twitter updates. Soon after the game started, tweets started scrolling across my screen saying things like Eddie Johnson makes it 1-0!!! 

A few minutes later: Donovan scores!, US up 2-0!!!

I emailed the Geezers and wrote what any red-blooded American would say: U-S-A! U-S-A!

With the Stars and Stripes' 3-1 semifinal win over Honduras, coupled with a loss by arch-rival Mexico, the US is in prime position to capture the CONCACAF Gold Cup, its first since 2007.

This begs the question: Is there any team in the world as good as the Jurgen Klinsmann's team right now??

Okay, come back. That is not a serious question. Yes, of course there are; better in fact. But that's what happens when you rip off a team-record 10-straight wins while channeling our nation's government by imposing their will on other countries; confidence gets high, so Americans get cocky.

And I know all this because 1) I'm an American and we get excited when we win anything. And 2) I read it somewhere. ESPN maybe?

Now, nobody is suggesting the Americans would go right out and play at this high a level against Brazil or Spain. However, it's fun to get excited about your national team and dream a little bit bigger.

On Sunday, the US will take on Panama--a rematch of the 2005 Gold Cup final. I know a little about soccer and even less about Panama the country. Therefore, any prediction presented herein is completely biased by my own national pride.

But screw it. US wins it 3-1. U-S-A! U-S-A!

                                                                                  - Nick Hatcher

The American

"High Kicking, Low Scoring"

I swear not all Americans think of soccer as a "high kicking and low scoring" affair...but most do. 

As usual, the Simpsons hit the nail on the head with the following clip parodying the average American's perception of  the game itself with Springfield getting its first taste of soccer.

And there's no reason why even the most hardcore fans can't find this amusing while still appreciating the games of Adiaga, Adiaga II, Badiaga, Aruglia and Pizzoza.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the Mexico-Portugal match.