What's Andrey Arshavin up to?

I'm not quite sure what he's doing in the picture above, or why he's using the goalkeeper as a bar stool, but I miss the former Russian captain.

He went back to play for Zenit St. Petersburg after leaving Arsenal, but there's no doubt that Andrey Arshavin is missed. With quotes like this, he alienates and divides, but speaks the truth!!

‘I would never give driving lessons to women. We need to build new roads for them. Why? Because you never know what to expect from a woman on the road. If you see a car behaving weirdly, swerving and doing strange things, before you see the driver you know it is a woman. It is always a woman.’

Thanks Andrey, you make all these stupid political correctness arguments easier.

Forget last night's dancing, it's Soccer Saturday

This could be you dancing last night, or fighting for your place in the kebab line after a few too many sherberts.

But it's Saturday, forget last night and get ready for a weekend of football.

Celebration? Injury? Who knows, but looks painful

Can anyone explain this?

I have no idea if they are warming up, celebrating a goal, announcing their relationship or just idiots!

Truth be told, I'm not even sure it's a football picture at all !

Fresh injury worry for Liverpool captain

Seems Steven Gerrard is getting a bit of work done

Not quite sure if Stevie G has picked up a groin injury, or if he's just embarrassed to have only put half of his shorts on. Either way, nothing a man in gloves with a tub of vaseline can't fix

*It's no coincidence that Gerrard has had less injury worries now he's no longer carrying Charlie Adam.

Don't worry Rafa, Serie A doesn't start for another week

The Premier League and La Liga start this weekend, but Rafa Benitez has at least one more week before he sees these signs!

In a world of giants

We've all lied about our height

I'm sure it's Fellaini's hair that makes him look that big

Ok, so we've all exaggerated about how big we are (although some of us don't need to!), but Mathieu Valbuena is pushing it if he claims to be 5ft 6'.

Kompany and Fellaini are big boys (keep it clean), but this pic almost looks like an optical illusion. The Frenchman makes Iniesta, Messi and Xavi look like giants too, and can't imagine he'd even reach Peter Crouch's waist - ok, too much, most of you belong in the gutter anyway!

Touch tight marking

When you're marking a world-class performer like Carlos Valderrama at a corner, you better be sure that you're touch tight. Pretty sure the defender is taking that a literally here, but Carlos doesn't seem too bothered.

Go on son, feel me up - I'm still gonna notch later, and you can tell people that you got me in the mood!

Weekend feeling

It's Friday, we're all ready for the weekend, but don't you get that feeling that something's not quite right?

Somehow I feel like I've had my pants pulled down - I think it's the realization that there are only 48 hours to go and enjoy yourself before Monday rolls around.

So here's a bad joke, and a image of having your pants pulled down! Enjoy.

***

I've written a book about a man who exposes his penis on a particular day of the week.

It's out Monday.

***

Back to work already?

Can't believe it's Monday again. Nor can this guy. Although not sure i'll be making that face or pulling my shorts that high in the office.

Cartoons

Stay calm people, it's getting close. The English Championship kicks off this weekend (I know no-one cares unless your team is in it), then the French and German leagues get going the week after, and the English and Spanish league on August 17. Serie A is taking a proper summer break and not starting until the 24th.

Geezer of the Day

I forgot yesterday, but the Geezer of the Day is back. Today is a man who scored a hat-trick for Barcelona against Real Madrid, won the Golden Boot at the 1986 World Cup, has never been given a red or yellow card in any game, and once thought that this was a good look.

Is that meant to be a diving header?

Not sure that he's doing it right

I still can't work out what he's trying to do

So please comment on this - I have seen this before and have the same question everytime. What is he trying to do? Or what was he doing that got him in that position? 

I can't work it out. All help appreciated.

When you're a free agent, this is one way to get noticed

Probably not the smartest move

Nile Ranger proves that some footballers are as stupid as they look

So you've been released by Newcastle, arrested on suspicion of rape and already have other convictions (including serving time for street robbery). What is the best way to prove you deserve another chance? How do you keep yourself in the minds of managers looking to strengthen their teams? Get a tattoo of your own name on your face of course! 

Images

Who said Germans don't have a sense of humor

Podolski and Mertesacker model Arsenal's new away kit

Brazil 2014 Mascot

Not horrible compared the Korea/Japan ones

Can't say that many World Cup mascots are memorable - can probably add this one to the list

Here's the official launch on the FIFA website.

Images

They don't wear pads or a cup in this football - maybe they should

Don't tell me your hand didn't move towards your crown jewels/junk (depending on where you live) to check they were safe!

Brazil 2014 World Cup Posters

FIFA has released some posters of the host cities for next summer's World Cup. I think the Sao Paulo one is my favorite, but can make you own mind up if you follow this link.

It's better than the mascot - it's armadillo that looks like a pokemon (someone had to explain to me what that was!)

Images

I've heard of swapping shirts at the end of the game

Lucky he borrowed Frank Lampard's shorts

Is the ball going into the shorts? Or are some balls about to escape the shorts?

Images

Check out Rick White Photography - don't know him, but liked this image.