Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Qualifiers are here; let the whining begin

The soccer gods aren't all against you, they just don't care 

The Geezer supports England and West Ham United; yours truly follows Peru, Alianza Lima and the New York Red Bulls; Nick the American obviously roots for the U.S. but, by all accounts, is making a serious attempt to sew his loyalties to the Philadelphia Union.

What's missing here are the glamour teams. So, yes, we're used to losing. A lot. Suffice to say, the mediocrity of our sides builds our football character. Or so we'd like to think. But at least we're realists.

Come Friday, realists will be outnumbered by the delusional.

As World Cup qualifying winds down to the final matches by year's end, nationalistic pride will take over the lot of us. The conspiracy theorists will no doubt keep us abreast of their thinkings with pure muppetries disguised as analysis:

*the sub-human match officials were bought out, obviously by the opposing team's mafia connections;
*the pitch is in dire condition because of the rain, snow, hail, locusts plague, purposely produced by the host side and its relationship with Mother Nature;
*your beloved team was cursed by witch doctors (happens all the time in South America!);
*the manager is a clueless sap; how dare federation administrators hire him without your input;
*all of the above merits conspiracy thoughts because your side is just too good for the rest of us minnows.

Hyperbole aside, there indeed have been examples of match-fixing, incompetence and unfair play throughout this game's history, we'll give you that. But, then again, what sport hasn't? And it's doubtful that it happens every time your side is down. However, this doesn't matter to the deluded fan because logic and practicability have no part in its quest to be champions of the universe.

The ineptitude in tactics used by your nation's gaffer can be questioned; the lack of dignified work  by your nation's players on the field can be criticized; hell, even the two same, boring songs that your supporters belt out throughout the match deserve some scrutiny.

But any external factors that affect your role as a fan should not be outweighed by the silliness and hypothetical reasonings you find that justifies your team's ineffectiveness. Because at the end of the day, your team is crap, my team is crap, our teams are crap.

And unless your bloodlines consists of the Spanish, Brazilian, Italian or French regions, then reality should set in as quickly as possible. Or at least before that first drink on Friday!

"I'm asking you all to string three passes, three!! Not 28 like Barcelona!" --the furious geezer in the video says in Spanish, aside from some other choice words. At least he blames his own players.