Pirlo brilliant on free kicks, not so much on drinking

Andrea Pirlo, trashed, slurring and passing out --- a true legend

How do you celebrate winning your country's league, you ask? Stumble on the top of a bus, barely able to stand and throw some of the bubbly at your adoring fans. Rinse, repeat, pass the f*(k out inside the bus for all to see!

Bella free kick

Andrea Pirlo marks another perfect beauty, leaves GK motionless

Today's free kick by the Italian legend in the quarterfinal tie between Juventus and Lyon in the Europa League almost makes us forget about the intensity of yesterday's Champions League games involving Atletico Madrid-Barcelona and Bayern Munich-Manchester United. Such class.

Where are we with the Champions League?

Qualification for the Champions League knockout stages is almost done. There are a few loose ends to tie up, but that's about it - and the rich are about to get richer as almost all the big teams are through to set up some fantastic ties in the last 16.

But it's all about winning the Group. Qualifying for the knockout stage is a success for some, but should be the minimal requirement for those who spend unthinkable money every year. Not just the English teams, but all the big boys have splashed out, and if you can't beat teams like Viktoria Plzen, Austria Vienna and Anderlecht, then you have bought the wrong players.

So here's the breakdown....

PSG and Atletico Madrid bossed their Groups - and that's the price teams will pay for not topping the Group. Nobody wants to play them, Barca, Real or Bayern.

Bayern have won 5 from 5, and it's hard to imagine them not beating Manchester City at home in two weeks. City are through too, which counts as a success, but they may need an easier tie to progress past the last 16 - and there are no easy ties in the knockout stages of the Champions League. City can, and will, score against any team - but they look shaky at the back. I don't agree with Kolo Toure that they will rue selling him, but they do need a quality defender - someone like Vincent Kompany, not Kolo Toure.

Manchester United are through again. Their Group wasn't easy, but they made hard work of some pretty average teams. David Moyes will be happy to advance, but I can't help thinking that United are going to get spanked by someone. Rooney is playing well, but there is nobody in the midfield that other top teams would want. In fact there's nobody in the United midfield that any other team wants on their bench.

Juventus are going to have to get something in Turkey against Galatasaray - a draw will probably do it, but Drogba and Sneider may have something to say about that. Juve look so good in Serie A, but very inconsistent in Europe. Anything but qualification will be a huge failure for them.

Chelsea are in. Basel or Shalke will join them. Who wins that Group is still to play for - but it won't be Steaua Bucharest who are now 22 games without a win in the Champions League. Basel have got 6 of their 8 points against Chelsea - what seemed an easy Group has turned vaguely interesting. Chelsea need to win it, or they will face a tough task in the knockout stages against other Group winners.

Arsenal have won 4 of their 5, yet sit just 3 points ahead of Dortmund and Napoli. Should they lose to the Italians in Naples by 3 or more, they could go out - with 12 points! Marseille have lost to everyone, so that Group of Death thing didn't quite work out. All 3 teams will still be in Europe, and I'd say the team who finishes 3rd would be favorites to win the Europa League.

Ajax stayed alive by beating Barcelona, but they will have to beat AC Milan in Italy to advance. I can't see either topping the Group as the Catalans play the already eliminated Celtic on the last Group match day.

Of course van Persie would score; Don't rush Messi

Robin van Persie was bound to score the winner against Arsenal. It was a reminder that Manchester United are far from out of the title race, and Arsenal aren't the clear favorites for the league. Both teams will be there or thereabouts in the run up to Christmas, but much will depend on the strength of their squads when the league, cup and European games are coming thick and fast.

One player United won't be bragging about in their squad is Marouane Fellaini - if Tom Cleverly is coming on before you in a big game, you cant be that good. He doesn't fit in at Old Trafford, and I can only think that Moyes wanted him as a familiar face around the place - but he really wanted Leighton Baines, and seems to have ended up with Fellaini when he couldn't get anyone else.

Manchester City, Chelsea and Spurs are 3 teams I just can't work out. Great one week, awful the next. Spurs probably haven't been great all season, but they should be so much better. They don't create anything, and Soldado looks completely lost. Andros Townsend was the savior of England a few weeks ago, but cutting in and shooting every time you get the ball is probably the reason he wasn't offered a second month's loan spell at Leyton Orient. In the words of John Barnes, 'there's only one way to beat 'em, get round the back.' Soldado needs crosses to score, surely that's why they have all these wingers.

City are a strange team. They have no excuses (Joe Hart wasn't playing) for not beating Sunderland. Smashing Norwich by 7 doesn't mean much if you are going to allow Phil Bardsley to bully his way into the box and finish (and yes, he did finish well, I'll give him that).

Chelsea were saved by a dive to maintain Mourinho's run at home. Get Lukaku back as soon as you can/play Mata/sell Obi Mikel/get Courtouis back to replace Cech. Because no one else can understand why you haven't done these things already.

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PSG are going to win Ligue Un. Zlatan is just too good. End of.... Juventus are going to win Serie A. Not as certain on this one, but Roma are coming back down to earth after their amazing start, Napoli couldn't live with Juve yesterday, and Tevez, Pirlo, Llorente and Pogba have all the quality they need to compete in multiple competitions... Bayern Munich are too good.

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Will Barcelona miss Lionel Messi? What do you think? But they need to be patient. His hamstring injury could keep him out a few months, but they still have more than enough quality to beat the majority of teams in La Liga. Xavi, Iniesta and Neymar don't become bad players because Messi isn't there. Real Madrid will be hot on their heels now that Ronaldo, Bale and Benzema seem to be clicking, but the overall quality of the opposition in La Liga means that Barca should be able to at least keep pace until Messi's return in late-January.

Moyes probably won't have the answers for Arsenal

Arsenal against Manchester United on Sunday - any interest? No, didn't think so!

People keep expecting Arsene Wenger's team to fail, but we're now over a quarter of the way through the season and they are top of the league and have the most in-form player in the Premier League, if not Europe right now.

David Moyes on the other hand spent 27.5 million pounds on Marouane Fellaini. He wasn't that good at Everton, and looks completely out of his depth at Manchester United. He deserves time to find his feet, but maybe he can't see them through all that hair - i know, the tumbleweed is rolling right now, and I'm ok with it.

United have to hope they can outscore Arsenal, as it's unlikely they will dominate the ball, even at Old Trafford.

A defeat for Arsenal isn't the end of the world, and while it's another reason to question what is going on with Moyes's team, it's not the end for them either. They are more than capable of going on a streak, but a defeat here would create a lot of questions that the Scotsman doesn't appear to have the answer for.

I can't see Palace or Sunderland picking up points against Everton or Manchester City, and you have to fear for both of them already. West Ham against Norwich isn't quite a 6-pointer yet, but if the Hammers fail to score again, the decision to put all the eggs in the Andy Carroll basket will look even worse.

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It seems we just wait for El Clasico in Spain now, or for one of them to face Atletico. Really not much to say about La Liga except that we hope for a shock result rather than another record to be broken by Messi or Ronaldo.... German and French football don't have any huge games this weekend, but I do appreciate that they start the weekend fixtures on a Friday night - really helps me through the day!

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And then there's Juventus v Napoli. Roma have made a great start in Serie A, but these two are teh pre-season favorites and have both started really well. Hopefully the midweek European ties won't have turned this into a defensive game, but then it's Serie A, so expect some of that anyway! Tevez has been running riot in Italy, with Higuain, Hamsik and co. likely to play their own brand of counter-attacking football.

Rafa Benitez deserves a lot of credit, but Antonio Conte has built a formidable team, with Paul Pogba developing into a top-class player. Juventus have the home advantage and that puts them in poll position, but who cares who wins?* It's just another great game in another fantastic weekend of football.

*I care who wins, and I hope it's Juve - but not sure why. Oh that's right, I have money on it! 

The Champions League format needs to change

We're not going back to the old European Cup, but let's mix it up a bit

Play knockout games, Group stages are just a way to make money

Atletico, Barcelona, Bayern Munich and Manchester City are into the last 16. Real Madrid, Chelsea and PSG are one point away, so I'll gamble and say that's 7 in with 9 still to be decided.

My bet would be Manchester United, Bayer Leverkeusen, Juventus, Benfica, Shalke, AC Milan, Zenit St Petersburg, Borussia Dortmund and Arsenal.

I'm bound to be wrong on one or two, but let's play the hypothetical game for a minute.

Those 16 would make up some fantastic knockout ties, but most football fans would probably have picked at least 12 of those 16 to qualify. So it makes me think again about the validity of the group stages, and whether they are just a way for UEFA to really coin in the TV money. We all know it's true, but it's such a long, drawn-out competition that maybe it needs to be reduced so that we can get the interest back in every game. Group stages are just a way of ensuring every team gets on TV, earns some money and showcases their best players for the bigger teams to buy the next season.

Barcelona v AC Milan was exciting to watch, as was Real Madrid v Juventus, but these massive ties don't have the same significance or importance when they could happen 4 times a season. Let them slug it out once (well twice as the home and away legs are still a factor), and the winner advances.

Oh, but then we won't see Messi v Balotelli or Ronaldo v Pirlo in the latter stages - sure we will, just seed the teams from 1 to 32, It may not be the Champions 'League' anymore, but it gives the smaller teams a chance to progress, places some importance on every game and doesn't just keep lining the pockets of the bigger teams.

Oh, I'm suggesting going back to the old European Cup when the Champions of each league played each other? Yes, and no. Sepp Blatter can keep the money from having 4 English teams, 4 Spanish, Bayern, PSG etc, but we won't have to endure months of games that lead us to the same end - and it creates a fairer system where smaller teams can advance, because ask a Milan fan now about that epic tie with Barcelona in the Champions League, and he/she will say, "When? In 2013, 12, 11, 06, 04?" Or something like that in Italian!

Juve in need of points; Moyes under pressure

Real Madrid against Juventus. It doesn't get much bigger than that. Throw in Carlo Ancelotti and Antonio Conte, Cristiano and Andrea Pirlo, and we should have a fantastic game.

Juventus have drawn their first two games, while Real have scored 10 in their two victories. There is a lot of history between these giants of the game, with so many stars of the game having represented one or both - with one of my all-time favorites Zinedine Zidane coming to mind.

Conte was captain of Juve when Ancelotti was the coach there, and won't want to lose to to his mentor. But more than that, he knows that should Juve fail to pick up at least one win against Real in their two games, they face the reality of not progressing from a group that looks relatively straight-forward on paper.

Then there's David Moyes. He's already getting loads of abuse from the media, and some fans are turning on him a little already. United have a tough game at home against Real Sociedad, and if they fail to win, you know they'll be people calling for him to go. He needs time, but he also needs his players to step up.

Rooney and van Persie are his best two players, but they need to get some service. Fellaini is average at best. He's never worth the money that Moyes paid for him and really looks out of his depth. Is it time for Kagawa? I doubt it - the Scotsman just doesn't seem to rate him. I hope they lose, just so United fans can experience the turmoil of change. Moyes needs time, and I am pretty sure he'll get it, but chairmen and fans have short memories, especially with the money associated with the Champions League.

Pirlo's back, Zlatan the 3rd, Moyes on watch - the Weekend preview

Italy is where the action is this weekend. Inter v Roma and Juventus v AC Milan. Roma have won 6 of 6 in Serie A, with Inter unbeaten in 4th after a surprisingly strong start to the season. Gervinho is scoring goals (which can't be true), but he is playing with Totti, who could lay chances on that even Emile Heskey couldn't miss.

Inter are a bit of a team of no-names, but it's working for them. Gone are the big stars of the Mourinho era, but Walter Mazzari is building a strong team, and Diego Milito is back to prove that he can score from more than 6 yards out - I've never seen it, but it has to happen soon.

Juve against Milan is always a good game, or at least has a great history. Van Basten, Gullit, Vialli, Baggio etc. Who can't love names like that? The memory of Baresi, Maldini, Zoff and Del Piero makes it so easy to watch - and it's always great to see Pirlo show Milan why they were fools to let him go.

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I'll be looking at how the Premier League teams deal with post-European fixtures this week. Spurs have a (relatively) tough derby with West Ham, Swansea may struggle at Southampton after playing Thursday, and 3 of the 4 Champions League entrants have tough away games. City are at home against Everton after being schlapped by Bayern Munich in the week. Bayern are the best team in Europe right now, but Everton are unbeaten in the league, scoring lots of goals and have a red-hot Romelu Lukaku.

David Moyes will be in more hot water if United lose away at Sunderland. The Black Cats are a shambles, but they played well against Liverpool for large periods of the game, and are due a result. Arsenal are the form team, with people treating Mesut Ozil like he's the second coming of Diego Maradona. They've been good, but a loss away at West Brom and Arsene Wenger will have those fickle fans on his case again. Samuel Eto'o is going to score soon. Sorry Norwich fans, but he is.

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7 from 7 for Barcelona and Atletico Madrid - who's going to buckle first. Probably Atletico, but if Barca lose when Messi is out injured, some idiot is going to say they're a one-man team. Probably Jamie Redknapp or Alexi Lalas.

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The pick of the other European games for me is Marseille against PSG. Mainly because of this quote from Zlatan on Wayne Rooney... "if he did join, he would have to get used to the fact that Zlatan scores even better goals than he does." Zlatan, in the third person, telling it how it is. Love him.

Will Bale play in the Madrid derby? Does Jose miss Fergie?

Will Gareth Bale play in the Madrid derby this weekend? With help from referees, Real probably don't need him as they'll get another 95th minute penalty if the result isn't going their way anyway. Someone should let the officials know that General Franco died in 1975, so they don't need to fear being sent to a forced labor camp if they don't give Real all the decisions. Oh wait, there is money involved? Bribery and match fixing? Or you just want to be loved by millions of fans rather than the 50,000 that the smaller clubs have?

Anyway, getting off topic. Bale has already earned close to $1.5 million in his brief time with Real Madrid, and I'm sure he'll want to start showing he's worth the money. He's not fit, but he'll have to be on his game if Real are to beat Atletico. Diego Costa, Raul Garcia and David Villa have led Atletico to a perfect 6 wins form 6 to start La Liga, keeping them tied with Barcelona and 2 points ahead of their city rivals.

Should be a great game on Saturday night.

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The early game on Saturday in England pits Porto's best two managers of recent times against each other. Jose Mourinho takes his Chelsea team to White Hart Lane to face Andre Villas-Boas' much improved Spurs team. The two managers have been having a little spat ahead of the game, but most of that is probably due to the face Jose misses Alex Ferguson. He's got no-one to really duel with anymore, and he's tired of calling Arsene Wenger a 'voyeur'. 

Spurs seem to know their best XI, although Jermain Defoe must be pushing for a start as he keeps scoring whenever he gets a chance. Mourinho on the other hand has a lot of options, but can't seem to get his strikers to find their form yet. I'd go with Torres, but Eto'o is likely to play (and he's due a goal)/

Steer clear of the Sunday games, there's nothing to see there. Not too much else on the Saturday either, although it will be interesting to see if Manchester City can maintain some of their recent form, and wether United can win against West Brom without van Persie or any other creative players (as Kagawa still can't get a start).

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The pick of the other games in Europe for me is the Turin derby. Juventus against Torino should be a good game, and I'm interested to see Alessio Cerci who is the top scorer with 5 in Serie A so far.

Roma make is 5 from 5; Napoli slip, Balotelli scores again

I think I just wanted to add this GIF of Pjanic's goal for Roma, as I love a chip.

But Roma have won five from five and sit two points clear of Juventus and Napoli at the top of Serie A. They probably won't win it, but it's a great start to the season, and I can't get enough of Francesco Totti - hope that new contract means we get a few more years of appreciating one of the games great talents. He leads the league in assists again this year, and probably will do in 2020 the way he is going.

Napoli slipped up against bottom-placed Sassuolo, but for once I have to agree with Rafa. They can't win every game and he'll take a point from a poor performance.

Mad Mario scored again for AC Milan, but is facing a 3 game ban for his tirade after their defeat to Napoli at the weekend. There's only so many chances a player gets, regardless of talent. He has it all, but there's a reason he's been at 3 clubs already and is only 23.

A big game for Inter and Fiorentina today. Both are unbeaten and can join Juve and Napoli on 13 points with a win. Again, both may struggle to compete for the title this year, but this game is the first big test of how competitive they will be - and potentially show the areas they need to strengthen before the January window.  

Pretenders or real challengers to Bayern's Champions League title?

Bayern Munich start the defense of their Champions League title today against CSKA Moscow, in a group with Manchester City and Victoria Plzen of the Czech Republic. Bayern and City should advance, with not too many wild cards expected to get out of the group stages. But the knockout stages should be really exciting this year - the usual suspects should be joined by teams like Napoli, Athletico Madrid, PSG and Shalke 04.

Napoli have the toughest group, with Arsenal, Borussia Dortmund and Marseille, but they have looked fantastic in Serie A so far, with Gonzalo Higuain and Marik Hamsik bound to be a handful for any of Europe's top defenses, let alone Arsenal's.

It's hard to look past Real Madrid, Barcelona and Bayern Munich, but the English teams may prefer the underdog tag after years of being the teams to beat. Juventus and Napoli have really strengthened over the summer and should compete at the latter stages, and PSG really have to reach the last 8 to even begin to justify the money they have spent.

And here's the beauty of the Champions League. All these big teams expect to advance. Their Chairmen pay huge salaries and transfer fees to reach this stage, and anything less than the knockout stages is a huge failure. But they can't all get to the last 4, and it usually means a manager will lose their job, and even more money will be thrown at the 'project' the next year.

It can't survive the way it is without someone going bust soon. But that's a story for another day.

Today, let's sit back, enjoy the music and see some top quality football. Bayern may have a tough task ahead to try and defend their title, but don't rule them out - they have to be the joint-favorites along with Barcelona, for now.

Weekend preview - A few new signings, and the Derby d'Italia

Can Arsenal forge a German connection like the Inter team of the 90s?

There are plenty of new signings that I'm looking forward to seeing this weekend - Mesut Ozil, Cristian Eriksen, Samuel Eto'o and potentially Gareth Bale. Most of them are injured or lacking match fitness, which makes you wonder what they were doing during the International break. (I didn't want to mention it, but there you go - and that's all you're getting).

The Geezer can be match fit in 14 minutes, and most of that is because I can't tie the laces on my boots and drink a can of Stella at the same time.

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In Serie A this weekend is the Derby of Italy - Inter and Juventus have both won their opening two games, but this should be a real test for Inter. Juventus have spent all the money and brought in some quality players, but Inter have a chance and may even see the return of Diego Milito - maybe not a huge fan favorite, but he knows how to notch, and that's all you can ask.

The always attack-minded Rafael Benitez has started with 2 wins as well, and keep and eye out for Marek Hamsik at Napoli. He's by no means a new signing, but he's got 4 in 2 and Benitez said he's "priceless" is Bale is worth 100 million - can't really disagree as the Welshman is never worth the fee paid for him.

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In England, Mesut Ozil should destroy Paulo Di Canio's Sunderland team. Put your money on an Arsenal win. Sunderland lost to their own under 21s team, so can't see them beating Arsenal. Looking forward to seeing how Spurs gel, and whether Jose Mourinho can somehow fit Willian and Eto'o into the starting lineup. Typical bad luck for Romelu Lukaku too - can't get a game at Chelsea, so goes on loan to Everton, only to be unavailable as the Toffees play Chelsea this week! 

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Not too much that really jumps out in the Bundesliga, France, Portugal or Spain this week. Bale may play for Real Madrid, but I doubt it. He's not fit, with speculation he may get the last 15-20 if they are 4-0 against Villareal. But all in all, I'm glad European club football is back - as I need to enjoy a beer, not cry into one.

Luca Toni comes calling again

Luca Toni is back – he’s now with his 16^th club at Hellas Verona – and scored a brace as they beat AC Milan 2-1 at the weekend. Amazingly, the big man has never played for either Milan club,  which is surprising considering all the goals he scored for Palermo, Fiorentina and Bresia – if you score more than 10 a season for anyone in Italy, you get signed by AC, Inter or Juventus (he scored just 3 for Genoa in 2010-11 and Juventus had to have him!).

Marek Hamsik got a couple for Napoli, who had the luxury of bringing on Gonzalo Higuain late for his debut, while fellow Argentinian Carlos Tevez notched for Juventus as they beat Sampdoria 1-0.

All the major European leagues are up and running, MLS is getting close to the playoff stage (which is all that seems to count), South America is ticking along nicely, and I’m advertising for a new Asian reporter (insert your own Simpsons joke here as I have enough lawsuits to deal with already).

Now we just need the Carling Cup second round on Tuesday and Wednesday to really get football fans excited. Surely there’s no one out there who isn’t revved up for Leyton Orient against Hull or  Tranmere v Bolton.  I’m not sure my heart will be able to handle Stoke against Walsall on Wednesday, it may just be too much for me.

Le Sulk lives up to his nickname...or not?

Just one game into the season, Anelka quits West Brom

Amazing scenes at the Hawthorns. Just two months after leaving Juventus and signing for Steve Clarke at West Brom, the 34 year old has emptied his locker and apparently quit the game.

Early suggestions are that there was an incident in his personal life and it had nothing to do with football.

Hope it's nothing major, but always seemed to me that he didn't quite live up to the potential he showed at Arsenal. Maybe is was because he never played with anyone as good as Dennis Bergkamp again, but that's just my opinion.

*Stay posted. Seems his agent has died, and he's been given the weekend off, but not officially retired.

Juventus are favorites, but Napoli are in with a shout

I wasn’t surprised when Rafa Benitez took the Napoli job – he loves taking over teams that are already very good.

Napoli finished second in Serie A to Juventus last season, their best finish since they won the Scudetto in 1989-90. Edinson Cavani was the league’s top scorer with 29, although he was sold to Paris St. Germain for big bucks. They have already used the money to Gonzalo Higuain, and Pepe Reina on loan. They join Raul Albiol and Jose Callejon from Real Madrid, and Dries Mertens from PSV.

Probably not since Maradona and Careca, or maybe Zola and Ciro Ferrara have Napoli been so good. Bankruptcy in 2004, and subsequent relegation to Serie C1 meant S.S.C. Napoli were in real threat of folding, but film producer Aurelio De Laurentiis seems to have put them back on the path to success.

Then there's AC Milan who have Mario Balotelli - an no-one knows how that's going to go. Inter still have Walter Samuel - and we all know how that's going to go.

But Juventus are still winning the league – adding Carlos Tevez and Fernando Llorente makes them by far the stand out team (which they were already). Andrea Pirlo is still mustard, and just can't see anyone even really competing with I Bianconeri.

Love or Hate him?

Ok, so Real Madrid beat Chelsea in a huge tournament last night, something that indicated exactly how the season is going to finish (put your bets on the LA Galaxy beating Juventus every time they meet this year).

But one genuine thing that did occur was another fantastic free-kick from Cristiano. And then a celebration to prove what a bell-end he is - look that word up in Urban Dictionary if you're unsure!

So there's this...

Followed by this...

Couldn't we have one without the other? Or do they go hand-in-hand?