In case your 'keeper didn't make you nervous already

The backpass rule has made a few 'keepers decent footballers, but every time the ball goes back to the goalie, I get nervous.

Most just smash it upfield, but there are a few who love to take a chance. A cheeky dragback or a Cruyff turn will get a few cheers from the crowd, but get caught out and they'll never let you forget it.

This guy is pushing it...

What does it mean if England don't beat Poland?

England have failed to win a major tournament since 1966, but need some perspective.

Quite simply, if they don't beat Poland, they will face a playoff game - because Ukraine will beat San Marino.

They are guaranteed a place in a two-leg tie where they could face Portugal, Sweden, Croatia or France and others. 

But England don't have the right to qualify just because they invented the game 150 years ago. The problems the English national team have created are largely their own fault. Yes, the media is a huge issue as they only deal in soundbites, but some perspective is needed.

England last won a major tournament in 1966 - their only success. And would they have won it if Pele hadn't been kicked off the park in the early rounds? Maybe as they had some fantastic players, but that was a tournament held in England when they genuinely had world-class players. They could have repeated in 1970 had Gordon Banks not been ill for the quarter-final against West Germany, but that fantastic Brazil team of Jarzinho, Pele, Carlos Alberto etc, probably still would have won in Mexico.

The Premier League is fantastic, the players (of all nations) are a pleasure to see. And I don't blame the growth of foreign players in the league as part of the reason England aren't successful. If anything, it has helped. Kids want to emulate Gullit, Juninho, Ronaldo, Zola et. all - it's much better than them growing up with Carlton Palmer, Warren Barton or Kyle Walker on their wall. These players are distinctly average and aren't the world beaters the nation expects. 

Be thankful there have been 'world-class' stars like Gascoigne, Keegan, Hoddle and Lineker, because there have been lots of awful players to pull on the shirt. We don't need names, but you all know who they are/were. 

I'm not sure how this media coverage helps anyone.

The hype surrounding Wilshire, Rooney, Owen and other 'wonderkids' is stupid - they can never be who the media thinks they could have been. Let's not make Andros Townsend the next 'saviour'. He's not, he's an average player hoping to be part of an average international team that goes to Brazil next summer - which is where every player and fan wants to be - and nobody has the right to be there, you have to earn it.

It's a small country that no longer deserves to be considered a big team in world football. I want them to win as much as the next Englishman, but I'd prefer them to qualify, participate in the big tournaments and maybe pull off a shock or two.

A win against Poland would be great, but then the media machine starts again, placing the players and Roy Hodgson in a no-win situation. Celebrate any win, and enjoy winning. Watching England shouldn't be so stressful that we don't enjoy it. Because there's still a playoff should it be needed.

Why is today so slow? I need more football

Some exciting qualifiers in Europe on Friday, a great comeback from Colombia to draw 3-3 with Chile, goals galore in the African playoff games, and now it's Monday.

Hurry up and be done so we can get to the big games on Tuesday.

I am a soccer junkie, I need my fix.

Without it, I feel like this...

The stuff we dream about

Ok, so not everyone dreams about scoring for Mexico against Panama in a World Cup qualifier.

But this is special. Raul Jimenez had just come off the bench with his team tied 1-1 and needing a win to have any realistic chance of making it to Brazil.

The ball comes into him on the edge of the box, and what do you do after having a bad touch? Bike it of course! What else is there?!

Mexico now look like they will have to play New Zealand in a two-leg playoff.

Here's the YouTube version - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6dOcQEI7c0

Who else could pack their bags for Brazil?

Ethiopia play Nigeria for a place in Brazil next summer

Brazil are hosting the 20th World Cup next summer.

They qualify automatically, and have so far been joined by Japan, Australia, South Korea, Iran, Holland, Italy, Costa Rica, Argentina and the USA. 10 names are confirmed, with another 7 having the possibility of joining them today.

Belgium, Germany and Switzerland are all in if they win - and I can't see Ireland upsetting the Germans, and it's even more unlikely that the Swiss will lose to Albania.

Russia can qualify if Portugal lose to Israel - it's not worth mentioning that the Russians play Luxembourg, 3 points have never been so easy - just ask Northern Ireland...oh wait. Honduras can make it if they beat Costa Roca and Mexico don't beat Panama.

Colombia and Chile can both clinch from South America, and even if they don't do it right now, both will get it done soon.

But who does that leave?

Spain and France are going to be the top 2 in their group, and it seems likely the holders will get teh automatic place. England have 'amazingly difficult' games against Montenegro and then Poland at home if they are going to clinch the automatic place - that's in quotes because the British press would have you believe that those games at home are too much for a team that includes so-called world beaters like Rooney, Gerrard and Wilshire. Can't have it both ways unless you're the British press - at club level, the players are the best in world, but not so much once the England shirt goes on.

Plus there are so big games in Africa - Ghana against Egypt, Senegal v Ivory Coast, and underdogs Ethiopia and Burkina Faso both still have a chance to make it. It's 5 from 10 in Africa, with the second leg in November after the openers this weekend.

Ecuador, Venezuela and Uruguay seem to be fighting it out for one automatic place and the chance to play Jordan in a qualifier - can't see that qualifier being much harder than playing the Page 3 girl Jordan, so it seems like 2 of 3 from there.

But there's still loads to play for with a couple of games left - 22 names still need to be confirmed, but we'll probably have 16 of the 32 known about once the weekend is over. Settle in, get the DVR cleared out, because there is a lot of football to watch this weekend.

Are we close to a 'Foreigners With Benefits' rule?

(Here's a feature from our Special Writer in England in response to our article about nationality and sport.)

An English footballer made headlines this week by venturing an actual opinion. In the abstract at least, this is something to be welcomed in these times of clichéd platitudes and football authorities trying to sanitise the game to the extent of criminalising words whatever the context. After all, the concept of free speech has to be extended to those with whom you disagree.

That hasn’t stopped people criticising Jack Wilshere in the name of liberalism or progression though. “The only people who should play for England are English people,” said the Arsenal man, revealing a hitherto unknown interest in politics and an interesting take on what all this means. “We have to remember what we are. We are English. We tackle hard, are tough on the pitch and are hard to beat.”

Various opponents since 1966 might beg to differ and Wilshere was surely just unfortunate that his comments came at the moment a power vacuum opened up within the English Defence League. But whether or not he made his point eloquently enough, his wider view has the backing of his club boss, Arsène Wenger, and Harry Redknapp, who should actually be the England manager, according to Harry Redknapp.

Pertinently, Wilshere’s assertion that “if you live in England for five years it doesn’t make you English” is not only supported by geography students the world over, but helpful in highlighting a rule many feel is absurd: that a player can be capped for his country of residence after a continuous stay of that length after his 18th birthday. The question came about because England haven’t had a proper left winger for 20 years and Manchester United seem to have unearthed one in Adnan Januzaj – an 18-year-old who already has as many claims to separate nationalities as the British Isles but who might fancy playing in front of the ridiculously priced, and consequently empty Club Wembley seats some time after his qualification date in 2018.

“If I went to Spain and lived there for five years, I’m not going to play for Spain,” added Wilshere, no doubt to the relief of Xavi, Iniesta and Fàbregas.

But here’s the rub. Wilshere’s entitled to say who he thinks should be eligible for England – and he was later at pains to point out that he has “great respect” for the many athletes who represent England and Great Britain despite being born abroad – but any rule change wouldn’t just affect England. It has to be the same for all countries, even though definitions of nationality don’t always tally: France have long chosen players from former colonies and dependent territories because there is a tradition of seeing those countries as “greater France”, and yet some players born and raised in France choose to represent their ancestral lands because of “a lack of integration”. The Italians have been discussing this for so many decades that they have long used the word “oriundi” for “foreign” players – mainly South American with Italian ancestry – who turn out for the Azzurri. And let’s not forget that plenty of Wilshere’s compatriots are currently raising their children in Singapore, Malaysia, the Emirates and many other countries besides, without a second thought of them ever being anything other than English.

Former France captain Patrick Vieira was born in Dakar, Senegal

So the real question is: what’s nationalism? Because the truth is that it can mean very different things. English and Irish nationalism, for example, are almost polar opposites: the former tainted by association with colonialism, imperialism and arrogance; the latter feted for rebelling against its controlling neighbour. It’s not that England only attract the kind of people who’ve just shed a tear over Tommy Robinson’s departure, it’s just that no one is denying they have their share of people whose political persuasions are quite far to the right. Of Enoch Powell.

It’s easy for me to sneer. I’m English but I don’t support England. I support Manchester United and, when I was growing up, England was the team Bryan Robson used to get injured playing for. When I was following my team around the continent, some ‘England fans’ were hanging effigies of David Beckham and singing “if the Nevilles play for England so can I” so many of us just assumed they were all people who couldn’t read. I’m lucky because I watch international games as a neutral. But I fully appreciate that many people are good supporters of clubs who don’t routinely play in elite competitions and for whom “Ing-er-lund” represents a genuine chance to support a team that, at least in theory, is taken seriously around the world.

So maybe the question of whether England should forsake the “foreigners with benefits” rule and “go native” should be left to the supporters’ club. Even if FIFA permits “nationality” through grand-parentage, Jack thinks England should make a stand for clear, black and white lines.

It won’t be very popular if Januzaj scores against England, but at least this burning issue stopped people talking about Wilshere smoking for a while.

-Vance

We are all Liverpool fans again

I’m a Liverpool fan. Again. Why? Because we’re  a couple of goals allowed from the top of the table. I know what you’re thinking. I’m a sunshine boy.  A fair-weather fan.  I only watch when we’re winning, and I only sing when they print the words to the songs on a karaoke feed.  Well, you’re right. And you wish you were one, too. Admit it.  That way, instead of spending the last 25 years hoping, in vain, that Everton would return to their Andy heyday or pretending that Aston Villa had never Peter Withered, you could have been sneakily watching Manchester United or Arsenal play some decent football.

Why is it considered such a footballing sin to pick winners?

Would thousands follow Novak Djokovic down to Court #25 if he put in five rubbish seasons in a row?  Do golf fans studiously avoid Rory McIlroy so they don’t miss a shot from onetime great Bernhard Langer in the group ahead?

I first became a Liverpool fan around 1982. I was conflicted from the start; my cousin Phil made me renounce QPR, who my Dad and I had picked out of the league table at random.

I was just in time for the first reign of Ian Rush. I wasn’t allowed watch telly on Saturday afternoons so I mostly experienced the exploits of Mustacheses II through my classmates’ postgame bragging.  Rush was so great that for years I thought strikers were shit if they only scored once a game. The only time I watched the Reds play before Kenny Dalglish took over as scowler-in-chief was the 1984 European Cup Final against Roma.  This game taught me the turgidity law: the more you look forward to a match, the more boring it usually is.

Mid Dalglish was my Liverpool period.  My mum relaxed the Saturday rule between 1987 and 1989, and I gradually fell for Bruce Grobelaar, Peter Beardsley, John Barnes, Craig Johnston, John Aldridge (Mustacheses III), Kenny Dalglish (with his hybrid player-manager tracksuit-overcoat, always ready to Special Guest Star in a game, and still useful at 5 mph) and, yes, even Gary Ablett.  For a couple of years, I understood why the word fan was short for fanatic.  I loved this team, and I deluded myself that they were reciprocating this love by beating almost everyone twice a year. These were the years when Liverpool fans felt unlucky to narrowly miss out on League-Cup doubles.

It felt like the beginning of a thousand-year Reich. My classmates talked about the team missing Rush, but, as far as I was concerned, Aldridge was just as good – from his mustache down to his first touch. Of course, I made this judgement without seeing Rush play. But Aldridge could score at will.  He could never reprise his Liverpool form for Ireland, but have you ever seen the clip where the linesman stalled him on the sidelines while Jackie Charlton was trying to throw him on as a sub during a group game against Mexico at the 94 World Cup?   Aldo, one of the world’s most unflappable players, got into a flap. When he finally got on the field, I knew he was going to score. Sure enough, he sprinted up field a few moments later and almost headered the ball through the net.  He could score at will.
I felt somewhat conflicted when Rush returned to take back the mustachioed striker role. But I kept faith with my team.  

Until that team disappeared. In ’91, Dalglish quit, and Graeme Souness took over.  Souness’s first act was to sack half of my favourite players. Liverpool clearly didn’t love me any more.
The only thing Souness, Moustacheses I, had in common with Dalglish was being an ex-great Liverpool and Scotland international player from Glasgow. OK, that’s a fair amount. But Souness was the Drago to Dalglish’s Rocky. The man was a brute. Anyone who saw the legbreaking tackle he committed for Rangers as I did (on Saint and Greavesie, where sunshine fans went to get their 30 minutes of football a week) could never love Souness.  Halfway through that season, Liverpool and I broke up.

For a couple of years, I was a closet Blackburn fan.  In three years, Shearer and Dalglish took them from 19^th in the second division to premiership champions.  Nobody’s done it since.

Then I thought I’d go the Sleeping Giant route. Sleeping Giant fandom is more romantic than Sunshine Boy fandom.  Some football fans believe there is more honour in supporting their team when it’s shit. I spoke to a Boca Juniors fan once who scoffed at the league-leading season the club was enjoying. ”Two years ago, we lost every single league game at home. Every. Single. Game. And it was packed. Every week. And everyone sang, at the top of their voices. That’s Boca,” he said, sounding like a doting father.

I chose Wolverhampton Wanderers, the Wolves. They had a great chant (“We are Wolves, We are Wolves, We are Wolves” repeat x infinity, really fast); a great striker (Steve Bull, who could score hat tricks at will), and, most importantly, an illustrious history (they had won just as many league-cup doubles as Liverpool, and more than Man United at the time). 

But the Giant Wolves never really woke up. They were always tipped for promotion into the premiership, but very seldom made it. Even when they did make it, they immediately ruled themselves out of contention and started flirting with relegation.  They never even had a cup run to speak of.  Non-league Stevenage had cup runs to speak of.  Plus, pre-Internet, to find out what Wolves were doing took a lot of work. I told people I followed Wolves but then couldn’t name any of their players. It was embarrassing for both of us. Our relationship was going nowhere.

I spent several years unattached, just following games that I thought would be decent.  I was happy.
I signed on as a Liverpool fan again for a day in 2005.  One of the other Geezer contributors and I watched the European Cup final at a mate’s house. We almost switched the channel at half time, but after Liverpool got their first one back, I had the same feeling about Stevie G as I had once had about Aldridge in that Mexico game. Milan had been too cocky, and Gerrard was up for it.  Only the greats can carry a big game on their shoulders like that.  

You see it in games on the green in the housing estate, where one player just pushes their quality to a higher plane than everyone else  on the field. You seldom see it in a professional game and never in a big final. Pity Gerrard gets shirty about not getting his Phil Collins requests played, and apparently once chanted his own name like a scouse cuckoo…but you have to separate the artist from their art.
Luis Suarez seems to be that kind of great.  The much hyped “double threat” of him and Sturridge seems to be living up to the hype. And Brendan Rodgers seems to genuinely want a bit of style.  

I’m falling in love with Liverpool again. But if they start wasting leads against West Brom and fecking around in fifth place again, it’s off.

-Rob Curran