Leave the stepovers to Ronaldo

If he hadn't fallen over, Would have had to track him down and smash him anyway!

It never gets old watching referees try and play the game

All referees are accused of taking up their craft because they were the last one to get picked in the playground. They loved the game, but knew that they just weren't good enough to play.

Don't forget that we wouldn't have a game without them, but always remember, they couldn't get a game without people who could actually kick a ball !

Non-trick of the trade

This still makes me laugh - yes, I do mean the fact that he managed to get an England cap.

Usually the left foot is for standing on, so use the right leg to foul yourself!

David Dunn, take it away...

When you're a free agent, this is one way to get noticed

Probably not the smartest move

Nile Ranger proves that some footballers are as stupid as they look

So you've been released by Newcastle, arrested on suspicion of rape and already have other convictions (including serving time for street robbery). What is the best way to prove you deserve another chance? How do you keep yourself in the minds of managers looking to strengthen their teams? Get a tattoo of your own name on your face of course!